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The Hidden Cost of Entrepreneurship on Parenting

The AHA! Team — Wed, 02 Jul 2025 05:05:15 +0000

Abigail Klein Leichman via Israel21c – New survey reveals CEOs have it hard, CTOs find the balance, and surprise, surprise, it’s the toughest of all for women. Racheli Kogan is a partner at the Symbol VC fund. Her husband, Ohad Bobrov of Palo Alto Networks, is a serial entrepreneur with several successful exits to his credit. This Israeli power couple has two daughters, ages 10 and eight. “In the first years of Ohad’s entrepreneurship, we definitely had a lot of difficulties and disagreements” regarding parenting, Kogan tells ISRAEL21c. Kogan surveyed 98 founder parents Curious about how other entrepreneurs balance family responsibilities, especially in wartime, Kogan surveyed 98 founder parents – men and women, CEOs and non CEOs, early and later stages – to gain a nuanced understanding of the intersection of parenting and entrepreneurship. “Founders sometimes talk about their startup as if it were a child they are raising, which is not surprising given the intensity involved,” says Kogan, who always worked outside the home and currently puts in eight to nine hours per day. “We also know that for many, this intensity is a cause for worry when thinking about raising actual children – will they have time? Will they be able to balance the two? How do others do it?” The survey emerged from research at Symbol on women’s entrepreneurship. “I’ve been busy for some time trying to understand why there are so few women entrepreneurs and how we can increase this number. We saw that many of their stories were intertwined with family considerations,” Kogan says. “So we wanted to understand more deeply the experience of male entrepreneurs who are fathers. We were also very interested in what differences there are between female entrepreneurs who are mothers and male entrepreneurs who are fathers. I couldn’t find any data on this topic — absolutely zero. This was surprising specially in Israel, a country where parenting is such a central thing.” Some of the questions Kogan sought to answer: Is working as an entrepreneur really the most demanding job that requires more hours than any other senior position? Do you improve over time in your ability to juggle between the children and the startup? To what extent is parenting really affected, both in subjective feelings and in calculating the number of hours you spend with the children? “We felt that providing data and detailed information about what is actually happening might help those who are considering embarking on the entrepreneurial path but are concerned that it is difficult to combine it with a family,” says Kogan. She hoped this data “would also provide some normalization for the entrepreneurs who filled out the survey.” CTOs vs. CEOs Perhaps the clearest message from the survey results is that chief technology officers (CTOs) seem to have more balanced lives than do chief executive officers (CEOs). CTOs are more satisfied with their work-life balance than CEOs, with 43% saying that they were very or extremely satisfied compared to 32% of CEOs. No CTOs reported that their work-life balance juggle had gotten worse since founding their startup, compared to 18% of CEOs who felt that way. CTOs are more likely to say that their time with kids stayed the same or increased since becoming a founder (43% vs. 19% for CEOs). CTOs (57%) are more likely than CEOs (45%) to pick up their children from daycare or school at least twice a week. Picking up from gan & school While most founders of both sexes say they make sure to attend their kids’ events (64% get to almost every event; 30% go to around half), 51% of CEOs go to almost every event compared with 71% of CTOs. Whereas 43% of CEO who are parents cited guilt feelings as a challenge, only 29% of CTOs did so. One-third of CTOs reported very little impact of work pressure on their relationship with the kids and none reported that they experienced an extreme impact. In contrast, 25% of CEOs cited the highest level of impact. Men vs. women “There are definitely differences by gender,” says Kogan. “Women are more likely to report feeling guilt about their dual role and pick up the children from school/gan significantly more often. Men are more likely than women to try and avoid late nights and business travel and to worry about time management with their children. Perhaps this is a different version of guilt.” Business trips & late nights While most founders are part of the pickup schedule for their kids, it varies by gender: 60% of female founders pick their kids up at least twice a week vs. 45% of male founders; and 39% of female founders vs. 9% of male founders pick up from school three times a week. Only 14% of females and 23% of males don’t pick up their kids at all, though this may be because their children are older. Women are more likely to prioritize work commitments than their male counterparts (25% of women vs. 4% of men). Among female founder parents, 61% cite guilt as their main challenge and time management as their second-place challenge (43%). For men, the greatest challenge is time management (63%) and tensions with partners is in second place with 41% (women cite this factor 29% of the time). Parent-founder challenges While 65% of male founders reported success in improving their ability to juggle work and family, only 29% of women felt they’d managed an improvement. Only 29% of respondents report dissatisfaction with their work-life balance. However, 36% of female respondents chose the lowest ratings on a five-point scale as compared to 26% of men. Male vs. female findings Kogan says the male vs. female finding that most surprised her was that although entrepreneurial mothers consider themselves “maximally committed to children and also maximally committed to the startup,” their answers revealed that “they would almost always give up things related to children and would not postpone work trips or meetings for things related to children, much more than men.” This might be due to the need many women have to prove their commitment to being a founder, Kogan speculates. Other key findings Founder parents of both sexes are more likely to report a decrease in time spent with their kids since becoming a founder (68%) vs. an increase in time spent (13%). Twenty percent report that their time with their kids didn’t change since becoming a founder. Earlier stage founders (pre seed and seed) are somewhat more likely to take late night calls and go on business trips (19% vs. 29%). The majority of respondents reported that the pressure of being a founder impacted their connection with their kids to some extent. Around 4% of both genders report an extreme negative impact on their relationship with their children and around 30% of each group reported a relatively low impact. Only 19% of respondents feel that they are able to mostly disconnect from work when they are with their kids. Most respondents – 76% – report that they are only able to disconnect a little or somewhat and 11% are not able to disconnect at all. Most respondents report an improvement in their ability to juggle startup and family life over time, with 61% saying it has either somewhat or significantly improved. For 20% there has been no improvement and another 15% report that their ability to juggle has gotten worse since founding their startup. Kogan’s takeaways “The data made me happy and pleasantly surprised to see that more than 50 percent of the entrepreneurs collect their children more than twice a week and also do not give up on significant events for the children,” says Kogan. At the same time, “there is broad agreement that the founder role is more demanding than other executive roles. This holds largely true across roles — CEO vs. CTO — and when analyzed by gender.” To read the original article click here.

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How To Manage Parent Guilt, Burn-Out & Fatigue

The AHA! Team — Fri, 07 Jun 2024 08:45:29 +0000

Dr. Caroline Leaf – In this podcast (episode #499) and blog, I talk to Hettie, a concerned mother, about balancing work and play time with her children, especially as a homeschooling mom. This is part of a series I am doing on questions you submitted for my new book on children’s mental health. This was Hettie’s question: “I’m part of an avid homeschooling community. Homeschooling moms like me tend to be “always on; always teaching.” It can lead to schooling burnout, and it does! How can we give ourselves and our children a better balance between working our brain, resting our brain, and letting our brain play?” First, it is important to understand that, as parents and guardians, we deserve to rest! This is especially the case if we are homeschooling our children as — in this case, we are not just parents but educators as well. Work-life balance is not just important for our children. We cannot give our best and be there for our children if we are overwhelmed, burnt out and running on empty. This is something I have spoken of on my podcast before, which I call the “oxygen mask principle”. As parents, we need to help ourselves before we can effectively help our children, which includes scheduling in periods of self-care so that our minds, brains and bodies have time to rest and recharge. We need to recognize that although the mind is infinite, the brain is finite, and it needs rest to function well. We can only give our best when we are rested, which is why it is so important that we learn how to be okay with doing nothing as parents. (This takes some practice, especially if you constantly feel the need to do something!) It is important to remember that our children pick up on our emotions and behaviors. If we are stressed out, overwhelmed or upset because we have not given ourselves enough time to rest and reboot, then this can affect our children’s mental health and performance. On the other hand, when we take the time to invest in our self-care as parents, and we explain to our children why this is important, we teach them an invaluable life-skill. This, in turn, will help them learn how to build and maintain their own resilience as both children and adults. Finding the right work-play-rest balance is not just something we should teach our children. It is something we need to model in our own lives. As mentioned, children observe us and pick up on our feelings and behaviors. This means that we do and say, or what we don’t do or say, can affect their wellbeing as well. So, taking care of ourselves and our mental health is not just a “nice” thing to do. It is imperative if we want our children to grow up understanding that life is about balance and that their health is important. For more on parenting and children’s mental health, listen to my podcast (episode #499). Podcast Highlights 3:36 The challenges of homeschooling & balancing work and rest 4:35, 6:47 The importance of self-care as a parent 7:45 How burnout affects the mind-brain-body connection 13:34 How our mood & emotions can affect our children 18:00 Tips to maintain a good work-life balance as a parent 21:30 The importance of teaching our children about mental health & self-care from youth This podcast and blog are for educational purposes only and are not intended as medical advice. We always encourage each person to make the decision that seems best for their situation with the guidance of a medical professional. To read the original article click here.

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How to Teach Your Kids About Boundaries

The AHA! Team — Fri, 31 May 2024 05:33:24 +0000

Dr. Caroline Leaf – In this podcast (episode #504) and blog, I talk about the importance of teaching your child about boundaries. This is part 1 of a 2-part series on parenting, boundaries, and mental health. From the moment children are born, they are tied to their environment and the people within their environment. They are born into a community which they both shape and are shaped by. A child’s identity is closely tied to their community – their family, friends, and other acquaintances. Children develop a sense of who they are in relation to who they are with. This has both a huge potential for growth and connection and a huge potential for harm, which is why teaching your child how to have healthy relationships from a young age is so important for their mental and physical wellbeing. One of the best ways to teach your child about healthy relationships is to teach them how to set boundaries and model what healthy boundaries look like in your own life and with your child. Explain to your child that boundaries are rooted in respect for oneself and respect for others, and show them what this looks like in your own life. Explain to your child that boundaries are rooted in respect for oneself and respect for others A great way of showing your child what boundaries are is by using everyday explanations and examples so that they can grasp the idea better. Give your child different options for events that happen daily, where they have to make a decision based on how they feel in the moment. For example, when a child wants to play with something that may not be safe for them to play with, tell them they cannot play with that object, but don’t just leave the matter there. Explain to them why that object is not a toy, then give them a few options of things that they can play with and have them decide what they want to do. In this case, you set a boundary for something the child is not allowed to do, you explain why, and then you let them decide what they feel they want to do with the other options available. It is also important to remember that boundaries are not just for older children or adults. They are a set of rules someone creates that identifies them as an individual and sets out what they emotionally and physically like or dislike. It is a way someone, regardless of their age, can let the people in their life know what makes them feel comfortable in their own environment, and, as such, boundaries can help build and develop stronger connections with other people. A great way to teach our children about healthy boundaries is to respect their space, time, privacy and emotions, even when they are young (depending on their age and developmental level, and considering your child’s safety). If we want our children to be able to set healthy boundaries with others, they should be able to “practice” this by setting boundaries with the people they feel the safest with—their parents or caregivers. Let them know that if they are uncomfortable with something, then it is okay to tell us. We can do this by truly listening to what our children say, observing how they react, and creating space to let them know that if they are uncomfortable with something, then it is okay to tell us. For example, if your child does not want to be hugged by other people (even a close family member like a grandmother), letting them know their feelings are okay teaches them how to navigate relationship challenges from a young age. I want to stress this point because we usually hear about how important it is to set boundaries with your children and how to tell them no, but not enough about acknowledging and accepting our children’s own need for boundaries. Even though children may not fully grasp the concept of boundaries, they are very aware that there are certain things that they do not enjoy or feel comfortable with. When we as parents and guardians acknowledge this, we give our children the confidence to voice their needs and desires, as well as teaching them from youth the importance of saying “no” and the value of consent. Of course, this doesn’t mean that we just let our children do what they want in the name of “boundaries”. Rather, it means that, as parents and caregivers, we need to distinguish between enforcing the necessary parts of parenting (for example, like brushing their teeth or going to bed at a certain time), while also understanding that our children also need space to learn establish their own boundaries, desires and shape their own identity (within the comfort of their home, knowing that we as parents are there as a “safety net” to help and guide them). This will look different for different ages and situations, but includes things like not sharing information about your child’s personal struggles on social media without their permission, or, when they are older, not sharing anything that they have told you in confidence with others unless it is a matter of their safety. Some parents may think they have a right to do this, but it shows their child that their personal privacy is not respected, and this can quickly backfire, often encouraging your child to hide more of their life from you. For more on teaching your child about boundaries, listen to my podcast (episode #504). Podcast Highlights 2:00 How to help your child clean up their mental mess 8:20 Why it is important to teach your child about boundaries 11:20 Why we need to model boundaries for our children & teach them what boundaries look like in their own lives 14:20 Why it is important to create a safe space at home for our children 15:45 What boundaries are & why they are an important part of raising resilient children 18:16 Boundaries are for everyone, even young children! 22:40, 25:14 What it means to respect your child’s boundaries This podcast and blog are for educational purposes only and are not intended as medical advice. We always encourage each person to make the decision that seems best for their situation with the guidance of a medical professional. To read the original article click here.

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How to Train Your Child to Understand, Process & Verbalize Intense Emotions

AHA Publisher — Wed, 12 May 2021 07:00:13 +0000

Dr. Caroline Leaf – In this podcast (episode #275) and blog, I speak with clinical psychologist Dr. Becky Kennedy about rethinking the way we raise our children, the importance of saying sorry to our kids, why it is never too late to fix the mistakes we make as parents, how to explain our own emotions to our children, and so much more! As Dr. Becky wrote in a recent Instagram post, we need to learn how to explain our emotions to our children. On their own,our emotional displays as parents or guardians, do not overwhelm our children. It is okay to have emotions as parents! Every parent has feelings, and our kids see these feelings. This is a good thing, because our children learn from us that emotions are part of being human. Children often feel overwhelmed, anxious and unsafe when our big emotional displays are partnered with the “aloneness” that comes with not having an adult explain or connect with them and let them know how they are feeling. As parents and guardians, we need to own our feelings and assert our permanence. We should do this by saying something like, “Just like we talk about your big feelings, adults have big feelings too. Sometimes I need a bit of time to myself to care for these feelings in my body. In these moments, I’m not leaving you, I’m not mad, and you didn’t do anything wrong. I’m still your strong papa/mama who loves you.” When it comes to our emotions, the most important thing is not what we do in the moment when we break down in front of our kids, but the before and after. We need to prep our children and let them know what we are going through and what we are feeling. As Dr. Becky points out, it is not information that scares children, it is the absence of information that scares them. If we don’t say anything to our children when we are struggling, they assume the world is crumbling around them and often blame themselves to regain a sense of control. The goal as parents is not to not have emotions. Rather, it is about teaching our children about emotions in a healthy and constructive way. When we do this, then the feeling gets stored next to the story in the child’s mind and body, and they start to understand that they are not a bad kid, and it is not their fault that dad is angry or mom is shouting or crying. We turn an unformulated experience into a coherent narrative (which is actually the process underlying therapy!). This helps the child better understand themselves and their environment. We need to remember that our children do what we do, not what we say. We treat others the way we treat ourselves. The more we practice facing and dealing with our own feelings, the more we can model this for our children and help them process their own experiences. This also includes apologizing, no matter how old we are or how grown up our children are. When it comes to apologizing, the “sorry” means less in the moment than your tone and intention. When we pair a sorry with a reflection, then we show our children we have a plan to be better—we repair, not just react. Repair is in fact a marker of secure attachment; as parents you will mess up, and if you can work from this, then that is a healthy sign that your relationship with your children is in a good place. Being a parent doesn’t mean that you can never mess up! Now, you may be feeling like, as a parent, you did everything wrong, especially after listening to this podcast or reading this blog. Remember, these two things are BOTH true: the early years of childhood matter, but it is never too late to help your child heal or change the way you relate to your children. It is never too late to say sorry to yourself and to your children. The inner child is always waiting for repair! We all do the best we can with the resources we have in that moment, but this doesn’t mean we don’t make mistakes. We can learn, shift, repair, change and grow—no matter how old we are or how old our children are. We should try do the best we can in the moment AND we should always try to be better. It is also incredibly important that we teach our children from young about consent. As Dr. Becky noted in a recent Instagram post, if we want our kids to be capable of saying NO, STOP IT, I DON’T WANT TO & I DON’T LIKE THAT, we have to build early circuitry that supports self-trust, body sovereignty, and consent. For example, if your child wants to stay by your side at a party, tell them: “I’m here. You can stay by me for as long as you want. You’ll know when you feel ready to join.” When you say something like this, your child learns that they can trust their own pace and sense of readiness—they don’t have to be pressured into doing what they don’t want to do. Or, say your child is playing with a toy and her younger sister starts crying and demands the toy. Tell your older child that “You are allowed to have that toy. Those are your sister’s sad feelings, and I can help her with them. It’s not your job to make her feel happy.” Your older child will learn that they don’t have to suppress their wants to satisfy others. They will learn how to recognize someone else’s disappointment without feeling responsible for causing it or making it go away. When we doubt our kids’ feelings, they learn to doubt their own feelings. Essentially, they learn how to gaslight themselves, which makes it harder for them to validate to their own thoughts, feelings and experiences and say NO when someone pressures them to do or say something that makes them uncomfortable. Indeed, Dr. Becky notes how the attachment patterns we develop when we are kids affect us when we grow up. We SEEK OUT people who allow our most-practiced circuits to kick into gear. For example, if a child grows up in a home with constant emotional invalidation, with words like “dramatic” and “too sensitive” and “disproportionate reactions”, years later, they will be naturally attracted to adults who confirm the same stories. The body seeks what it is accustomed to. These are like parts of us that get frozen in time. Teaching our kids to look in and trust what is happening to them is critical to their confidence and ability to take care of their own needs. Children should be taught about self-care from youth, not just when they are entering into adulthood. We should tell our children that they are the only one in their body— they are the only one who knows how they feel and what is right for them. We need to validate their unique experiences and feelings and let them know that they can express these feelings and trust themselves. We need to let them know that they have sovereignty over their own body. To read the original article click here. For more articles from Dr. Leaf click here.

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How To Help Your Anxious Child + Tips For Raising Mentally Strong Children

AHA Publisher — Mon, 24 Aug 2020 07:00:34 +0000

Dr. Caroline Leaf – Being a parent can be challenging, especially when it comes to teaching your child how to handle the hard stuff in life. There is a thin line between being overprotective and being overcritical, and often there are situations where doing or saying the right thing seems impossible. In this week’s blog and podcast, I speak with child psychologist and best-selling author Dr. Tina Payne Bryson about why we need to let our children experience negative emotions like anxiety and irritation, how to show up when your child is struggling, common parenting mistakes we all make and how we can avoid them, the importance of modeling behaviors as a parent or guardian, the difference between discipline and punishment, and what it means to take a mind-based approach to parenting. Over the past several decades, more and more research on the mind and brain has shown us that we have a lot more power to change our lives than we ever thought we did, even when it comes to parenting. As Dr. Bryson points out, when we start using our mind to think about the way we interact without children, asking more “why” questions and trying to figure out how to teach our child to regulate their feelings and responses, this can help us avoid common parenting mistakes like: 1. Just focusing on the behavior. One of the biggest mistakes we make as parents is that we focus too much on the behavior of the child and not enough on the mind behind the behavior. We should always be chasing the “why”. We need to investigate what is going on so we can treat the issue correctly; we need to peel the “layers” back. 2. Confusing punishment and discipline. We need to rethink discipline, and recognize that most of the time kids are doing the best they can. When our children are not doing well, then we need to approach the situation with curiosity, not just anger. What is going on? Why are the acting that way or saying those things? A disciplinarian should be a teacher and skill-builder, not a punisher. We shouldn’t punish kids for things they cannot help. The big question is, do they have skills to deal with this situation? What is their behavior telling us? It is important to remember that behaviors communicate the skills they need to learn. We need to stop punishing kids for things they don’t know how to do differently, which only makes them more anxious and upset. When it comes to discipline, we are so focused on behavior that we forget to pay attention to regulation, or what strategies we can teach children so that they can do better next time. Compliance through punishment or rewards does not mean success. Regulation means success—it gets to the “why” behind certain behaviors and teaches the child to cope and builds resilience by addressing the root of their feelings and behavior. 3. Not being on the same page. It is rare that two parents or guardians have an intentional and similar philosophy when it comes to discipline; most parents react in the moment. However, it is important that we take the time to get on the same page when it comes to how we choose to discipline our children. When there is a lot of conflict and confusion, it can undermine a child’s overall happiness. If you are parenting in response to the other parent’s reactions, you are not responding to the needs of the child. That does not mean you need to say and do the exact same thing as your partner or spouse. As Dr. Bryson notes, it is good for kids to learn how to manage different reactions and personalities. On the other hand, it is helpful if you talk to your co-parent about your discipline philosophy and get on the same page in terms of what you want for your kids and what you want your kids to become. This also means facing and dealing with your own childhood experiences. Are you repeating patterns from your own childhood, or trying to do things different without really examining your past experiences and what they mean? How has your childhood impacted you? How is your background affecting your parenting style? What is the mind behind your situation? When you can answer these questions, then you can learn how to resolve issues together as parents. 4. Pathologizing negative emotions and experiences. In our society, we tend to pathologize normal human emotions like grief and sadness, which has made us more fragile. We need to give ourselves and our children permission to feel and be uncomfortable, because life is full of uncertainty and challenges. Indeed, if we try to protect our children from negative emotions like sadness or anxiety, rather than teaching them that this is part of life and building up their resilience, we send them signals that we don’t trust that they can handle the situation, which will undermine their view of themselves and set them up for failure in the future. When your child is struggling, show up in the moment and allow them to feel what they feel. Don’t minimize how they feel, punish them or criticize their experiences. Say things like “I know this is hard” and “we will figure this out together”. Celebrate these feelings; teach your child that these emotions are normal and are telling them that something needs to be addressed in their life. This will help them build up their resilience and teach them how to cope with the ups and downs of life. As Dr. Bryson notes in her book The Power of Showing Up, being present in this way creates a safe environment where the child can learn how to be independent. It is important to remember that kids move towards independence when they feel safe enough to do so. If most of their experiences teach them that they are “safe, seen, soothed and secure”, this will help them build up their mental capacity and resilience, teaching them to cope and soothe themselves and others during hard times. It also affects what they seek out in a relationship, because their repeated experiences have taught them the value of feeling safe and secure in a relationship. This kind of parenting style does not mean that we won’t make mistakes from time to time. As parents, we don’t have to be perfect all the time. We need to look at the big picture: what are the majority of our child’s experiences teaching them? In fact, when we mess up and apologize, this is a good thing! We can model the real life “messiness” of relationships for our children, so the they too can model it in their own relationships. To read the original article click here. For more articles from Dr. Leaf click here.

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Early-Intervention Helps Parents to Manage Toddlers with Challenging Behaviors

AHA Publisher — Fri, 03 Jul 2020 07:00:27 +0000

UNSW Sydney via News-Medical Net – “One of the best things a parent can do is to help their child understand and manage their emotions. We can’t expect young toddlers to do it themselves.” A play-based therapy aimed at helping parents manage children’s behavior has seen long-lasting results in a live trial. Parents of young toddlers with challenging behaviors have found support through a new early-intervention program aimed at children aged 12-24 months, a study has shown. The unique program focuses on not only addressing the child’s behavioral problems, but also enriching the relationship between the parent and the child. It was developed by researchers at UNSW Sydney and the early parenting organization, Karitane. “Having young toddlers can be hard, but it’s especially hard when your child is having multiple tantrums per day and showing aggression. It can make it difficult to enjoy parenting. Our findings are encouraging for so many parents because this program is a new way of learning how to manage these behaviors, improve the quality of your relationship with your toddler, and also to put them on a positive pathway.” Dr Jane Kohlhoff, lead author of the study and senior lecturer in UNSW Medicine’s School of Psychiatry The eight-week program takes place during weekly parent-child play sessions. The parent and child play together while a therapist – who sits behind a one-way mirror in another room – coaches the parent in how to best respond to challenging behaviors via a Bluetooth earpiece. “The therapist first helps the parent identify the source of the child’s challenging behavior and then guides them in how to respond. This instant feedback is supportive and powerful,” says Dr Kohlhoff. “As parents become better equipped to identify why the child is being disruptive, they can help the child manage and regulate their emotions. With this support, the child will gradually become better at doing this on their own.” While this style of parent coaching (called ‘Parent-Child Interaction Therapy’) has been used before, it’s the first time the method has been adapted to young toddlers as an early intervention technique. A check up with the families four months after the program, the trial’s set follow-up period, show that the benefits were long lasting. The results were published over the weekend in Infant Mental Health Journal. “Not only were there dramatic improvements in children’s behavior, but also in parenting sensitivity and the quality of the relationship between the parent and the child,” says Dr Kohlhoff. “Parents also reported feeling less stressed after the program.” These program outcomes were measured using a series of parent-report surveys and therapist observations of parent and child behavior. The long-term findings support the immediate benefits of the program, which were tested in a randomized controlled trial and published in Journal of Clinical Child & Adolescent Psychology earlier this year. While the cohort of this pilot study was small (25 parents completed the program and 18 completed the follow-up), the findings are an important first step in testing the effectiveness of Parent-Child Interaction Therapy for toddlers. Finding the Cause of the Behavior Adrienne* decided to join the program after noticing her daughter’s tantrums were a bit different to other kids her age. “Sophie* was constantly screaming, crying and throwing tantrums,” says Adrienne. Her daughter was 15 months old when they joined the program. “At that young age, she didn’t have the words to say what she wanted, so she used her voice to get attention.” During the intervention, parents are coached to identify the cause of the child’s disruptive behavior and respond accordingly. If the behavior stems from difficulty regulating emotions, the parent is coached to see the behavior as a sign that the child is having difficulty managing a ‘big emotion’. “One of the biggest benefits about the program is that it teaches parents to reconceptualise their child’s challenging behaviors. Often, the behavior isn’t a deliberate disobedience, but a result of the child’s struggle with new, big emotions, like frustration, fear and anxiety.” Dr Jane Kohlhoff When the child is struggling with a big emotion, the parent is coached to use practical techniques to help the child become calm again. “If a child starts to play roughly with their toys, it may be because they are having difficulty knowing how they work,” says Dr Kohlhoff. “For example, take a child in a play kitchen trying to get a large toy saucepan to fit into a small oven. For a young child, this can be frustrating and the feelings may escalate quickly. It may lead them to become rough and aggressive, or to have a tantrum. “In this instance, the parent would be coached to notice this change in emotion early, and then to move closer to the child and validate their emotions by saying, ‘I know you are feeling frustrated right now’. The parent could also reassure the child by saying ‘Mummy is here to help you’, while soothing them with a calm voice, showing physical comfort, and suggesting another place to put the saucepan.” Adrienne found this style of on-the-spot guidance invaluable. “It really helped getting instant advice through the headset,” says Adrienne. “My husband and I feel more at ease with knowing how to help her during meltdowns. “Our relationship with our daughter improved. We learnt important play skills, like the way we sit on mats with her and how we use our language. “I’m more mindful of what I say – for example, I’ve learnt to be specific in my praises rather than saying something general, like ‘Good girl,’ when she’s behaving well.” The Importance of Early Intervention While it’s normal for children to express aggression and irritability, persistent challenging behaviors could be a sign that a child is on a pathway towards increased psychological problems as they grow older. “Emotion regulation problems underly many adult psychological disorders. By addressing these behaviors early, it can help give children the best chance in their future mental health. A positive parent-child relationship in the early years is a key indicator for a child’s lifelong psychological health. Letting the child lead the play, using lots of specific praises, and just having fun together are really important for the child.” Dr Jane Kohlhoff Facilitating Long-Lasting Change “Children at this young age are still trying to work out what emotions are, and how to navigate them,” says Dr Kohlhoff. “One of the best things a parent can do is to help their child understand and manage their emotions. We can’t expect young toddlers to do it themselves.” This research was conducted in southwestern Sydney at parenting organisation Karitane, who contributed funding to the program. The program is now part of the suite of clinical treatments offered at the Karitane Toddler Clinic, and Dr Kohlhoff says it is the kind of program that could be taught to other clinicians and rolled out to other clinics further down the track. To build on this research, Dr Kohlhoff is conducting a larger randomized control trial to evaluate how the Parent-Child Interaction Therapy for toddlers program compares to other parenting programs. *Names of the program participants have been changed. To read the original article click here.

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Solving ‘Tantrum Trouble’ for Children and Teens During COVID-19 Quarantine

AHA Publisher — Tue, 19 May 2020 07:00:30 +0000

Penn State Health via Newswise – The pouting, the screaming, the crying – they’re all signs of a classic temper tantrum. Many parents currently at home with their children or teenagers 24/7 due to COVID-19-related stay-at-home guidelines know these behaviors all too well. Like adults, children and adolescents mourn the lack of personal connection during the pandemic. “Younger children like to actively play together, so to them, an ‘online play date’ might seem too impersonal,” said Dr. Katherine Shedlock, a pediatrician with Penn State Children’s Hospital. And while teenagers regularly interact with their peers online, “they also crave—and miss—the socialization of participating in school and other favorite activities,” said Lisa Culler, a certified registered nurse practitioner with the Children’s Hospital. When that mourning combines with boredom, children and teens act out. Younger children throw tantrums. Teenagers often rebel through isolation, ignoring social distancing recommendations or sneaking out to see friends. Try These Strategies to Help Curb Negative Behavior Ignore the tantrum. If a child’s tantrum isn’t causing danger to himself or other family members, ignoring it may help. “It helps a child understand they won’t get what they want from having a tantrum,” Shedlock said. However, ignoring may be difficult, especially if tantrums occur daily. Ask a child to take “quiet time.” This is different from a time out. Pick a “quiet time” place, such as a child’s bedroom— and have the child routinely go there to calm down. “If a conflict escalates, taking a five- or 10-minute break to go to a room, calm down and regroup puts everyone in a better place to restart the discussion,” Culler said. Use a “time out.” Shedlock recommends reserving time outs for young children when they display more severe behavior, such as hitting or biting. Have them sit in a specific spot without toys and base the length of a time out on your child’s age (for example, three minutes for a 3-year-old). Create a new structure. If children or teens are sleeping in too long or staying up too late, they likely need more structure to their days. Keep sleep and wake times consistent. Try to eat together as a family. Schedule schoolwork and other tasks. Seek compromise. Giving children and teens a sense of control of their routine can help ease their anxieties. “For example, if a teenager is staying up until 2 a.m. nightly and the parent wants a 10 p.m. bedtime, find a middle ground — like 11:30 p.m.,” Culler said. Limit multitasking. Parents and children are skilled multitaskers. But when something is happening with your child or teen, “stop what you’re doing and give them your full focus,” Culler said. Listen to your child’s issues and stress that your main concern is for them and their well-being. Lead by example. Stay positive. Reassure children and teens that the pandemic won’t last forever. Praise them when they display good behavior. Limit news exposure. It’s important to stay informed about COVID-19 but watching news updates 24/7 could heighten anxiety for everyone. Engage children in activities. Running out of ideas? Make and fly paper airplanes. Fly a kite. Get a bubble machine. Draw a hopscotch or obstacle course in the driveway with chalk. Walk. Run. Watch a kid-themed yoga or exercise video. Try safe online science experiments. Build a birdhouse. Repaint or rearrange a bedroom. Teach life skills – riding a bike, managing money, cooking or baking. Seek help. If tantrums don’t stop or behavior turns to self-harm or isolation, talk with a professional. School counselors are a good option. So too are therapists or counselors with Penn State Children’s Hospital, who are available for in-person or telemedicine visits. To read the original article click here.

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