Relationships Archives - Amazing Health Advances

Study Highlights Noninvasive Hearing Aid

The AHA! Team — Mon, 28 Jul 2025 05:14:54 +0000

Atrium Health Wake Forest Baptist via EurekAlert! – New type of hearing aid using an array of micro-epidermal actuators can significantly improve the hearing experience for patients with conductive hearing loss A study from researchers at Wake Forest University School of Medicine highlights a new approach in addressing conductive hearing loss. A team of scientists, led by Mohammad J. Moghimi, Ph.D., assistant professor of biomedical engineering, designed a new type of hearing aid that not only improves hearing but also offers a safe, non-invasive alternative to implantable devices and corrective surgeries. The study recently published in Communications Engineering, a Nature Portfolio journal. Conductive hearing loss, which most commonly happens in childhood, occurs when sounds do not reach the inner ear. Sound waves are blocked in the outer or middle ear due to ear infections, blockages or structural abnormalities. “Treatment for conductive hearing loss can include corrective surgeries and implantable hearing aids, which can be very invasive, especially for pediatric patients,” Moghimi said. “Flexible hearing aids offer a noninvasive alternative.” To produce vibrations strong enough to reach the cochlea, the part of the inner ear responsible for hearing, the research team designed a flexible hearing aid. The device uses micro-epidermal actuators to create vibrations on the skin behind the ear, which then travel directly to the inner ear, bypassing the ear canal. For the study, 10 participants between the ages of 19 and 39 wore earplugs and earmuffs to simulate conductive hearing loss. Researchers then tested arrays of the actuators to enhance the vibration strength, improve the quality of sounds and control the direction of the vibrations. “We found that using an array of these actuators, rather than a single one, significantly enhances the strength and quality of the vibrations, leading to better hearing outcomes,” Moghimi said. Moghimi also noted that improving hearing in children can reduce delays in language and speech development and boost educational development. “This technology has the potential to improve the quality of life for children with hearing impairments and transform the way we approach pediatric hearing aids,” Moghimi said. The research team will next focus on a larger study to further evaluate the efficacy and safety of the device in children and adults. Journal Communications Engineering DOI 10.1038/s44172-025-00369-7 To read the original article click here.

The post Study Highlights Noninvasive Hearing Aid appeared first on Amazing Health Advances.

9 Signs of Narcissistic Personality Disorder

The AHA! Team — Fri, 16 May 2025 05:08:42 +0000

Larissa Biggers via Duke Health – Narcissism vs. Narcissistic Personality Disorder Having narcissistic tendencies — like bragging or making yourself the center of attention — are normal when they occur occasionally. Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is different. Symptoms are more severe, occur across different situations and environments, and make relationships with others challenging, if not impossible. Here, Zachary Rosenthal PhD, a clinical psychologist at Duke Health, answers questions about NPD and what you can do if you suspect that you or a loved one has the condition. Dr. Zach Rosenthal discusses the symptoms of NPD, how it is diagnosed, and the individualized approach he takes for treating the disorder. What are the symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder? Use the acronym “SPECIAL ME” to remember the nine signs of NPD. SPECIAL ME Sense of self-importance Preoccupation with power, beauty, or success Entitled Can only be around people who are important or special Interpersonally exploitative for their own gain Arrogant Lack empathy Must be admired Envious of others or believe that others are envious of them How is NPD diagnosed? Trained mental health professionals conduct a structured interview to learn more about an individual’s typical behavior patterns. If someone consistently displays at least five of the SPECIAL ME traits, they meet the diagnostic criteria for the condition. Is NPD genetic? No, there is no gene for NPD, and people are not born with it. Like other mental health conditions, environment is a major factor. Children who are encouraged to believe they are extraordinary and always deserve the best — sometimes at the expense of others — could later develop NPD. In these children, traits like confidence are rewarded, while qualities like empathy are not. Are narcissists bad people? Narcissists are not bad people; it’s their behavior that’s problematic. They have been conditioned to believe that they are special and deserve to be treated better than others and approach the world accordingly. Can I have a relationship with someone with NPD? It depends. If your romantic partner, family member, or boss has NPD, they can make your life challenging. Because they put themselves first, you may feel belittled, and your mental health could suffer. Coping strategies include setting personal boundaries and gently walking away if they are breached. However, this is not always easy to do. Calling your partner a narcissist won’t help either. Instead, you should focus on your well-being and decide what you are willing to tolerate. Can people recover from NPD? Yes, but changing a learned behavior takes time and effort. People with NPD do not generally seek help on their own, and if they do, it is often because of a co-existing problem, like anxiety. Because there is no proven medication or therapy to treat NPD, providers take an individualized approach. Getting to know the patient and establishing a trusting relationship are key components of treatment. If a person is willing to change and their therapist can help them bridge the gap between their current and desired behaviors, there is hope for recovery. To read the original article click here.

The post 9 Signs of Narcissistic Personality Disorder appeared first on Amazing Health Advances.

Oxytocin (The Love Hormone): Benefits + How to Increase Levels

The AHA! Team — Wed, 19 Feb 2025 06:11:36 +0000

Jillian Levy, CHHC via Dr. Axe – Why is oxytocin called “the love drug”? It’s responsible for many aspects of social bonding and sexual pleasure and affects emotions. Oxytocin, nicknamed by some experts “the tend and befriend hormone,” is one of the most important hormones that humans (and many other mammals) produce. It plays an important role in: social bonding building relationships reproduction childbirth breastfeeding raising children Here’s something that may come as a surprise: According to the American Psychological Association, oxytocin is released in response to both positive social connection and stressful conditions. Levels have been found to be higher when someone is under stress, such as when exposed to social isolation or when in an unhappy relationship. It’s thought that increased levels may help motivate people to reach out for help. On the other hand, situations that make us feel safe, happy and connected tend to cause the release of several “feel-good hormones,” including oxytocin, dopamine and serotonin. What is oxytocin? Oxytocin is a hormone (technically a peptide or neuropeptide) that is involved in bonding. As a neuropeptide, it’s a “chemical messenger” that acts on organs, including the brain. What does oxytocin do, and where is it produced? Oxytocin is produced in the hypothalamus region in the brain, often called the “control center” of the brain. It’s also thought to be influenced by activation of the amygdala, which is the region of the brain mostly associated with fear and memories. Once the hypothalamus sends signals for oxytocin to be produced, it’s either released into the bloodstream or to other parts of the brain and spinal cord. It binds to oxytocin receptors, influencing how we feel and behave toward others. Oxytocin influences the autonomic nervous system and the immune system. This includes having an effect on the “hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal axis” (also called the HPA axis), which dictates release of many hormones. This peptide hormone has been said to have “broad implications” for general health, including facilitating adaptation to stressors, development, growth, healing, reproduction and social behavior. It also seems to have anti-inflammatory and even antioxidant effects, since it defends the body against trauma, illness and stress-induced damage. Additionally, it helps keep blood pressure levels in the normal range and also balances cortisol levels, a primary “stress hormone.” We usually think of it as a feminine hormone, but do men produce oxytocin too? Yes. While it was originally considered a hormone that was only found in women due to its tie to labor, lactation and raising children, it’s now known to be present and important in both men and women (although women are still thought to produce more). For example, oxytocin helps with male reproduction, as well as female reproduction, by supporting production of testosterone in the testes and motility of sperm. Additionally, it affects both sexes’ metabolisms, moods, immune systems and more. How the love hormone affects emotions Why is oxytocin called “the love drug”? It’s responsible for many aspects of social bonding and sexual pleasure and affects emotions. Oxytocin also has similarities to endorphins (opiate chemicals) because we produce more in order to soothe ourselves in response to sources of pain and stress. How does oxytocin make you feel? Here’s a basic overview of the emotional effects of oxytocin: Research has told us that oxytocin’s effects are basically the opposite of those linked to our “fight or flight” response. Higher levels are linked to feeling calmer and having a better capacity to deal with stress. Newer research has suggested that increased oxytocin can potentially also increase feelings of generosity, forgiveness, trustworthiness, joy and security. It seems to help increase fidelity and monogamy in relationships by keeping us honest and facilitating compassion/empathy toward others. Plus it increases feelings of protectiveness. Benefits/uses 1. Helps with social bonding and building relationships Can oxytocin make you fall in love? The release of oxytocin is associated with feelings of love and protection, as well as empathy, trust and connectedness. Studies have shown that oxytocin enforces pro-social behaviors, attachment, bonding and even fidelity by rewarding those who maintain good relationships with positive, calm feelings of well-being. One study demonstrated that people in the early stages of romantic attachment, within the first six months of a new relationship, had higher circulating levels of oxytocin. It’s also known that oxytocin levels are high during sexual activity and after orgasms. Many forms of social contact seem to result in bursts of oxytocin, even if it’s anticipated social contact, such as planning for a date, party or get-together. The hormone also works on a “positive feedback loop.” It makes us want to socialize, which further increases our oxytocin production, which then makes us feel good so we continue to seek out relationships with others. 2. Boosts ability to cope with stress While it also works under times of low stress, oxytocin has been shown to be elevated under times of high stress, too. Some studies have found that people who report having poor social relationships usually have higher circulating levels of both oxytocin and the stress hormone cortisol than those reporting better relationships. Externally administering the hormone via supplements has been shown to help mitigate stress reactions, acting as a type of natural buffer. It can make people who are stressed seek out support through better social connections. It may also help protect the nervous system from shutting down in the face of stressful circumstances, including childbirth. By increasing someone’s motivation to find help from others, the hormone can help people find opportunities and engage in behaviors that lead to more security, joy and love. 3. Induces labor What does oxytocin do in women to facilitate reproduction? Not only does it help women bond with their sexual partners or potentially the future fathers of their children, but oxytocin also strengthens labor contractions during childbirth, along with helping control bleeding after childbirth. It facilitates production of prostaglandins, which are chemicals that move labor along by increasing contractions. In prescription/synthetic form, it can be used to induce labor or speed up the process. The most widely used form is the brand-name drug Pitocin, which is commonly given to women in the hospital during labor. 4. Supports breastfeeding and child rearing According to a 2018 study focused on human evolution, some of oxytocin’s main functions are to support breastfeeding and nurturing maternal behaviors among both mothers and fathers. Research has linked the hormone to a mother’s ability to care for her infant in multiple ways, one of which is through breastfeeding. When a baby nurses from his/her mother’s breast, nerves in the nipple send a signal to the pituitary gland to produce oxytocin, which then causes tiny muscles around the nipple to squeeze and release milk. Experts also believe that oxytocin helps new mothers and fathers feel calm even during difficult life transitions, one of which is having and caring for a new baby. Levels have been shown to rise in parents due to affectionate touch and contact with their babies and children. 5. May have anti-aging and anti-obesity effects In one study, it was shown that higher oxytocin release is linked with protection against accelerated signs of aging and better regeneration of aged tissue stem cells, including muscle cells. Oxytocin injections may be used in the future to help injuries heal better, improve bone health and possibly prevent obesity. For example, some animal studies have found that oxytocin administration leads to sustained weight reduction by reducing food intake, which is believed to happen because it dampens the brain’s food-related reward circuitry. Additionally, it seems to reduce muscle and joint pain due to pain-dulling and anti-inflammatory effects. Higher circulating levels are also thought to be positively associated with lean mass and bone mineral density. 6. May help with social disorders Oxytocin has been investigated for its potential therapeutic effects on various psychiatric conditions characterized by social deficits and anxiety, including social phobia, autism spectrum disorders and postpartum depression. Research has suggested that oxytocin may modulate social behaviors and reduce anxiety, making it a promising candidate for treating social phobia. A review of clinical trials indicated that oxytocin administration could have beneficial effects across several conditions, including social anxiety. Oxytocin’s role in enhancing social cognition has led to studies exploring its application in autism as well. A meta-analysis of clinical trials found that oxytocin administration showed a significant combined effect in improving social behaviors in individuals with autism. The involvement of oxytocin in mood regulation and maternal behaviors has prompted investigations into its potential therapeutic effects on postpartum depression. Oxytocin is considered a promising neuromodulator for psychotherapeutic interventions in various psychiatric illnesses, including postpartum depression. While these findings are encouraging, it’s important to note that research is ongoing, and the therapeutic use of oxytocin for these conditions is still under investigation. Further studies are needed to fully understand its efficacy and safety profiles in these contexts. How to increase it Both higher- and lower-than-normal levels of oxytocin can cause health problems and changes in behavior among women and men, according to endocrinologists. Here are some examples of how: High levels among men may contribute to enlargement of the prostate gland (benign prostatic hyperplasia) and urinary problems. Low levels (what some might call “oxytocin deficiency”) among women can interfere with child labor and breastfeeding. Low levels among both sexes have been linked to depression and anxiety, although it still isn’t totally clear how administering oxytocin supplements can help treat these and other mental health conditions. It’s also believed that low levels may be tied to autism and autistic spectrum disorders. Wondering, “How can I increase my oxytocin levels?” Is there a supplement for oxytocin or foods that can naturally boost production? Here are ways that you can naturally boost your production in order to promote feelings of well-being and connectedness: Physical contact. Hugs, massages, being intimate, shaking hands and breastfeeding all cause the release of oxytocin. Physical contact can increase levels whether it’s between lovers, friends, or children and their parents. Essential oils. Research has shown that certain essential oils, including clary sage oil, may help balance hormones and encourage production of “the love hormone.” Making eye contact Laughing Giving and receiving gifts (including money) Altruistic behaviors, such as cooking for others and sharing meals together Petting a dog, cat or other pet Doing “loving kindness” meditations or visualization Telling someone you love him or her Listening to calming music Speaking to someone you trust on the phone Walking or exercising with someone Looking at photos or videos of people you care about, including via social media Supplements, sprays and dosage What happens if you take oxytocin in supplement or spray form? Although more research is still needed to confirm how oxytocin supplements and sprays affect our behaviors and moods, researchers think there’s a possibility that administering this hormone may help people dealing with social and emotional problems. Conditions that oxytocin may be able to help include: autism or Asperger’s disorder social anxiety schizophrenia depression Some early experiments have suggested that oxytocin nasal sprays or injections may help people with these conditions better identify emotional content and facilitate social information processing. The synthetic version of oxytocin given intravenously (Pitocin) is also used to induce labor. Can oxytocin be taken orally? At this time there isn’t an oral supplement of this hormone available. Because it’s destroyed in the gastrointestinal tract, it’s given by injection or nasal spray instead. Dosage of oxytocin depends on why it’s being given and someone’s response; therefore it must be individualized. When it’s given to induce labor, IV infusion is used along with frequent monitoring. Infusion doses starting at 0.5 to 1 milliunits/minute, in some cases increasing up to 6 milliunits/minute, are typically given to women during labor. Does food have oxytocin? This hormone is not found in foods, but it does play a role in regulating appetite. Eating aphrodisiac foods (such as chocolate, coffee, fish, avocado and some herbs) may also improve your mood and desire for connection, leading to higher release. Risks and side effects Are there any oxytocin supplement...

The post Oxytocin (The Love Hormone): Benefits + How to Increase Levels appeared first on Amazing Health Advances.

How Sex Can Improve Your Mind

The AHA! Team — Fri, 14 Jun 2024 08:23:24 +0000

Dr. Caroline Leaf – In this podcast (episode #472) and blog, I talk about relationships, communication, sex, and the mind. This is part 1 of a 3-part series. High-quality intimate relationships are good for our health—we all know this! But did you know that sexual intimacy is also good for us? I recently interviewed Dr. Elissa Epel about her work with telomeres and stress, and she mentioned that one of her most interesting and popular studies, published in 2017, was on a correlation she and her team found between longevity and safe and consensual sex. In this study, Dr. Epel and her team observed that couples that are more sexually intimate have longer telomeres, which contribute to our cellular health and longevity. Couples that are more sexually intimate have longer telomeres Other researchers have also found that the frequency of sexual intimacy for individuals in healthy relationships is linked to greater mental and physical health outcomes, such as more general happiness and greater life satisfaction (Muise et al., 2016), greater heart variability (Costa and Brody, 2012), lower daily somatic symptoms (Stadler et al., 2012), reduced daily diurnal cortisol (Ditzen et al., 2008), and a more robust immune response! Researchers have even found that the frequency of safe sexual intimacy for individuals in relationships has been linked to greater mental and physical health outcomes, such as more general happiness and greater life satisfaction (Muise et al., 2016)! But this is not just about sex. As Dr. Epel discusses in her work, our telomeres are correlated with how supported we feel in a relationship. Healthier romantic relationships tend to predict a positive stress response and better longevity. The stronger your relationship is, the better your sexual intimacy will be, which, in turn, can help improve not only your mental health but also your longevity! Of course, this is a lot easier on paper than it is in real life. In a romantic relationship, you literally imprint that person onto your brain. This means that you are connected in ways that are both emotional and physical. You really do affect each other, which can be both a good and bad thing. These kinds of relationships can be incredibly challenging at times—I don’t think you need me to tell you that! Below are some tips to help you build a healthier relationship through communication and improve your sexual intimacy and overall health: 1. Establish an open line of communication: It is important to establish an open line of communication with your partner on a regular basis by encouraging them to share what is on their mind AND sharing how you feel. Work on creating an environment where you both feel like you can talk about everything that is happening in your lives, from the small to the big things. This will help you both feel more supported in the relationship. 2. Think before you speak: Make sure you have thought about what you want to say and work on staying calm when confronting your partner or discussing an issue. If you raise your voice or become aggressive, it can quickly spiral into a fight. It takes about 60-90 seconds for emotions to pass through you, so if you feel upset, it’s critical you not do anything besides just breathe and gather awareness during this period. This is the time when most people react and then regret what they said or did. Waiting for about a minute or so before speaking gives your brain and nonconscious mind the time to dynamically self-regulate by adjusting to and organizing the incoming information. 3. Ask before you speak: Ask your partner if you can talk to them about what is bothering you, rather than just demanding that they listen to what you have to say. 4. Don’t run away from the uncomfortable: Whatever you say might be hard for your partner to hear or process in the moment, and they might react in anger or sadness. Just keep reminding yourself that they are experiencing their own emotions and may be surprised by what you are saying. Don’t try to suppress or avoid uncomfortable situations. You can tell your partner that you value what you have with them, but be assertive about your desire for something more and your need to communicate what you don’t feel happy about. 5. Learn to just “be” with each other: Yes, great sex and exciting date nights are amazing. But times of quiet, where you can just “be” with your partner, are equally important when it comes to feeling supported and loved. Just sitting quietly with your loved one, for example, has a beauty in and of itself. I call this the “live your best life” mentality: learning to notice beauty in the small things will make your time with your partner feel like a gift—something to be treasured and appreciated every day. For more on relationships, sex and the mind, listen to my podcast (episode #472). Podcast Highlights 0:37 The science behind relationships & the mind 5:48 Sex, relationships & longevity 9:10 How improving our relationships can improve our health 10:33 Why communication is so important in a relationship 11:22, 18:28 Ways to improve your communication so you feel supported in a relationship This podcast and blog are for educational purposes only and are not intended as medical advice. We always encourage each person to make the decision that seems best for their situation with the guidance of a medical professional. To read the original article click here.

The post How Sex Can Improve Your Mind appeared first on Amazing Health Advances.

How to Recognize & Respond to Passive-Aggressive Behavior

AHA Publisher — Fri, 10 Dec 2021 08:00:29 +0000

Dr. Caroline Leaf – In this podcast (episode #339) and blog, I talk about passive-aggressive behavior: what it is, how it can affect us, and how to manage it. Passive aggressiveness is a form of indirect, hostile communication. People who are passive-aggressive generally mask their anger or frustration instead of being honest about their emotions. This kind of behavior is characterized by hidden antagonism and avoidance. Almost everyone displays passive-aggressive behavior at some point in their lives—it can be challenging to be open about how we feel. However, there are people who mostly, if not always, express feelings of hurt, anger, frustration, pain, or sadness through passive-aggressive behaviors. If they are asked to do something, for example, they may respond through procrastination and sometimes make intentional mistakes. Someone who acts in a passive-aggressive way usually communicates more enthusiasm than they express in their bodies. Essentially, their feelings are expressed through small remarks or actions rather than directly. This can cause a lot of conflict in relationships, and can be quite destructive. Here are some signs that someone is being passive-aggressive: They are often cynical, pessimistic, or aggressive They complain about feeling underappreciated They display bitterness and hostility They are often irritable and frequently disagree They give backhanded compliments They often refuse to move past an issue while insisting everything is resolved They get quiet and distant the moment they perceive conflict, especially when someone gives the silent treatment They shut people down and do not talk to them or try to address the issue Usually, if they are confronted about their behaviors, they will insist the other person doesn’t understand or is making unfair assumptions They assume others should know how they feel without telling someone Below are some examples of passive-aggressive behavior: Passive-aggressive behavior usually entails backhanded compliments. An example of a backhanded compliment that I am sure many parents have heard is: “You’re amazing for going back to work. I could never let a stranger watch my kids!”. Embedded within this compliment is a judgement on your chosen career as a parent. Another example of passive-aggressive behavior is often seen in the workplace: if someone proposes a new plan, a passive-aggressive person may agree with the plan openly but then intentionally miss deadlines, procrastinate, or try to undermine the plan. Another common example that displays passive-aggressive behavior is shortness in language that contradicts the speaker’s body language. So, for example, a person might say “fine…whatever” in response to a disagreement, but completely withdraw afterwards. Sarcasm can also be a common sign of passive-aggressive behavior, especially in people who are often sarcastic. When they receive backlash, they will usually say things like “can’t you take a joke?” or “I’m just being sarcastic, don’t you have a sense of humor?”. There are many different reasons that may have lead someone to display passive-aggressivebehavior. If someone in your life is being passive-aggressive, it is important to first recognize that no human being is flawless, and we need to show compassion without enabling negative behaviors. Second, we need to understand how to deal with people who are passive-aggressive, so that we can protect ourselves from being hurt. Some causes of passive-aggressive behavior are: The behavior began in childhood. The person could have been influenced by their parents or those around them, or learned passive-aggressive behaviors from their environment. They may not have been allowed to directly express their emotions growing up, so they found other ways to channel their emotions. Some people may not even realize that they are being passive-aggressive if they grew up in a household where this type of communication was common. Some people may be passive-aggressive because they experienced abuse and/or neglect as a child. These incidents can affect someone’s self-esteem and cause them to have an aversion to outright confrontation. Some people may act in a passive-aggressive manner because they are in an environment where open expression of emotion is not socially acceptable, such as in the workplace or at public events. Some people struggle with being vulnerable, or fear rejection and anger. They may have some social anxiety or struggle with low self-esteem. These people may find being passive-aggressive is easier than confronting others directly. This is why it is so important to have compassion for people who resort to passive-aggressive behaviors. We all have our flaws, and the more we try to understand others, the better we become at communicating with each other and accepting one another. If you know someone who acts passive aggressively and you have found that it is affecting you in negative ways, there are steps you can work through to manage how you react to them (from my mind management technique, which is called the Neurocycle): GATHER: Before dealing with someone you know who’s passive-aggressive, try to make sure you’re not coming from a place of anger, fear or frustration. Gather awareness of how you are feeling physically and mentally. Try to calm yourself down by doing something like breath work or yoga before trying to talk with the person in question. REFLECT: If you realize that you feel uneasy when you are about to see someone, or if any of the above descriptions and examples of passive-aggressive behavior triggered you, then explore these feelings. Do you know someone that displays these behaviors? When? How? What do you do when you are triggered? Reflect on how and why you feel the way you do. This will help you identify patterns in their behaviors and how you react to their behaviors. WRITE: Write down your reflections to help organize your thinking and look for patterns. RECHECK: Work out your “antidotes”. How can you reconceptualize the situation? How can you get yourself in the right space to deal with this? Here are some examples: Try to communicate to the person that this is an open environment and they are safe to share their emotions Try to not become reactive, as this is exactly the thing that passive-aggressive people will try to avoid, which may exacerbate the situation Try to avoid name calling Try to avoid calling them passive-aggressive Try to show them grace in the same way you would want someone to show you grace ACTIVE REACH: Practice your thought antidotes so they become a habit! These can include: Practicing assertive communication. Be open and honest and direct, and be specific about the ways in which you have been negatively impacted by their behaviors, but remind them that this issue won’t change how you feel about them and that you want to address it because you care about the relationship. Recognize that sometimes these attempts don’t work because passive-aggressive people have formed a very hard shell for protection. In these cases, try to validate and empathize with them, insofar as you can. Listen to their reasons or excuses (even if it’s frustrating to hear) and try to understand why they are acting in a passive-aggressive way. But, also set clear boundaries that there are certain behaviors that are hurting you. You may find that after this type of conversation they will start working on changing their behaviors to improve your relationship. If you have tried many times and the person is unwilling to listen or continues to harm you through their passive-aggressive behavior, you need create space and set firmer boundaries to protect your mental wellbeing. But what if you are the one acting passive aggressively? Here are some signs to look out for and questions to can ask yourself if you think you may be have passive-aggressive tendencies: Do you feel confused or conflicted about your emotions? Do you feel shame, embarrassed or scared about how you feel? Do you fear conflict and avoid open confrontation, especially if “heavy” emotions are involved? Do you feel like other people won’t care about you or your emotions? Do you often keep quiet if you have a different view or opinion because you fear you will lose another person’s approval? Do you ever feel frustrated or angry at someone but don’t feel prepared to talk to them about it? Do you struggle to talk about how you feel when someone has hurt you? As mentioned above, passive-aggressive behavior stems from a type of self-protection and fear of vulnerability. However, it can be very damaging, especially when it comes to your mental health and relationships. If this is something you need to work on, below are some simple mind management steps you can take: GATHER AWARENESS of how you are being passive-aggressive. What does this behavior look like in your life? REFLECT. The best way to begin to work on this behavior is to try and understand why you communicate like this. Where does your passive-aggressive behavior stem from? Is this the way you grew up? Is this how you learned to express your emotions as a child? Is there a past trauma that you can tie this behavior to? Do certain situations trigger your passive-aggressive tendencies more than others? Have you tried communicating to people in an open way? If not, why? These questions can help you recognize your own passive-aggressive behavior in different situations, so you can take the first steps towards changing how you manage your feelings and act on them. WRITE down your reflections to help organize your thinking. This is also a great step to do with a therapist or counselor, where you can also practice open and honest communication. RECHECK: Think about what you have reflected on and written down. What are your thought “antidotes”? This includes: Recognizing that it is normal to have feelings of anger and frustration with family and friends and still have a healthy relationship with them. Being open to confrontations. All relationships have tough moments, and avoiding them can be more detrimental than working through them. ACTIVE REACH: Try practicing your antidotes to develop new ways of thinking and acting in tough situations. Some ways you can do this is: Practice expressing how you feel. When you do this, use assertive communication, which is a way of clearly expressing your thoughts and feelings without harsh language and without putting down the other person’s thoughts and feelings. Don’t just assume that they know what you want or need. This also involves treating the person you are in conflict with as a part of a team, where you both need to figure out how to resolve the issue—don’t see them as the “enemy”. Give yourself time and grace as you work through this behavior. Remember, nothing can be achieved overnight. Don’t get frustrated at yourself if you find yourself reverting to these old behaviors again; the very fact that you are willing to work on yourself is amazing! To read the original article click here.

The post How to Recognize & Respond to Passive-Aggressive Behavior appeared first on Amazing Health Advances.

Love: How the Feeling of Power Determines Happy Relationships

AHA Publisher — Tue, 13 Jul 2021 07:01:40 +0000

Martin-Luther-Universitat Halle-Wittenberg via EurekAlert – Want to have a happy relationship? Make sure both partners feel they can decide on issues that are important to them. Objective power measured by income, for example, doesn’t seem to play a big role, according to a new study in the “Journal of Social and Personal relationships” by the Martin Luther University Halle-Wittenberg (MLU) and the University of Bamberg. Instead, how lovers perceive power dynamics in their relationship is most important for relationship satisfaction. Power is about being able to influence people and successfully resist the attempts of others to influence you. “It sounds like a dog-eat-dog world or the world of business. But power also plays a role in romantic relationships. The feeling of being able to make decisions in a marriage, for example, has a big influence on the quality of the relationship,” says Robert Körner from the Institute of Psychology at MLU. Earlier studies show that there was rarely a balance of power within couples. Most of the time, men had more influence on decisions than women. However, traditional gender roles have changed. “Romantic relationships have become more equal – especially in western societies,” says Körner. Together with Professor Astrid Schütz, a personality researcher from the University of Bamberg, he investigated how power and the perception of power impact couples. They interviewed 181 heterosexual couples who had been living together for at least one month. The respondents were between 18 and 71 years old and had been in a relationship for an average of eight years. The team investigated how actual and perceived power influence different aspects of a relationship – such as satisfaction and commitment – and how they affect the quality of that relationship. The survey included questions about the admiration for one’s partner, trust, sexual satisfaction, feelings of oppression and constraint, as well as a commitment and willingness to invest in the relationship. “We also calculated the balance of power to investigate the extent to which the traits of each partner were similar to each other,” Körner explains. The results of the study show that men still had more positional power – based on higher income and higher education. The need to make decisions in general was also stronger among the men on average. Interestingly, however, the two factors did not appear to influence the quality of the relationship that the couple experienced. The same applies to the balance of power: Even if men and women within the same couple were very similar with regard to the measured traits, no connection to relationship quality could be found. “The results surprised us, as earlier research has often suggested a direct link between the balance of power and relationship-based outcomes,” says Körner. The happiest couples were those in which both partners reported a high sense of personal power. “It appears that the subjective feeling of power and the feeling of being able to act freely significantly impact the quality of the relationship,” Körner concludes. In most of these couples, both sexes stated that they were able to assert their preferences when making decisions that are important to them. According to psychologist Schütz, this is not necessarily a contradiction. “Maybe this feeling extends to different aspects of the relationship. Whereas the woman might want to decide on where to go on vacation, the husband chooses where to go for dinner. One thing to keep in mind is that our sample included rather happy couples, which favours effective negotiation. In other partnerships, there is definitely potential for conflict in this respect.” However, it appears that both parties need to be able to make decisions about aspects that are important to them in order to be satisfied with the relationship. To read the original article click here.

The post Love: How the Feeling of Power Determines Happy Relationships appeared first on Amazing Health Advances.

This One Word Will Improve Your Mental Health & Relationships

AHA Publisher — Wed, 14 Apr 2021 07:00:28 +0000

Dr. Caroline Leaf – In this podcast (episode #270) and blog, I talk about how life is not an “either this or that” game. Rather, it is an “and” game, which means that it is normal to hold two or more opposing ideas or feelings in your head at the same time, even in your relationships, and accepting this will save you a lot of mental distress! I decided to do this podcast in response to a social media post I put up recently: “A person can have good qualities but still be toxic for you, and you can still love that person while not needing to maintain close proximity for a season.” We all need to realize that our relationships are not a zero-sum game. They are not about “either this or that”. As I mentioned above, life is an “and” game. It is common to hold two opposing ideas at the same time, especially when it comes to the people in our lives. For example, you can love someone but need to pull back a bit so you aren’t enabling them or supporting toxic behaviors that harm them. Or, there may be someone in your life who you love very much, but something they are doing is triggering what you are working on in your own life, so you need to temporarily create some space or set up some boundaries for yourself. It is not unusual that someone may be toxic for you right now where you are at—this doesn’t mean it’s a permanent thing, nor does it mean you are a bad person. It’s normal for situations and relationships to change over time. One example of this is when your children grow up. Adult children, for example, need to “invite you in”—you shouldn’t just assume that your adult children want your advice and so on. We literally rewire our brains at each stage in our life with our mind, which is why it shifts in relationships and situations take some getting used to and feel strange at first. (Remember, it takes around 63 days to rewire a thought pattern!) These changes are especially important in a relationship. When you recognize you need to reduce proximity to a toxic person or situation, for instance, understand it will be awkward, challenging, uncomfortable and maybe even a little painful. At the same time, it can also be temporary, and it may be necessary for healing, developing healthy relationships and achieving optimal mental health. This is often true for both parties in a relationship—this kind of space gives you perspective, which lays the foundation for true healing to take place. Of course, in a relationship, you do need to have some parameters so that the space doesn’t become avoidance. Toxic avoidance can increase anxiety, so the creation and explanation of boundaries in a kind way are key. Open, honest and empathic discussions about what is causing your distress, how a person is triggering you and what you need to be a better person are key! Your goal should be to move from reacting towards responding. So, how do you do this? First, I recommend getting to the root behind your thoughts, feelings and behaviors through mind management. To this end, I recommend doing a Neurocycle, which is a way to harness your thinking power through mind-management that I have developed and researched over the past three decades, to identify where you are at and whether you need this kind of space in your life. (Any task that requires thinking can use the Neurocycle, which means everything can, because you’re always thinking!) This process has 5 steps: First, calm the brain down by breathing deeply. I recommend breathing in for 5 counts and out for 11 counts, and repeating this technique 3 times (for around 45 seconds). Then, 1) GATHER awareness of the emotional and physical warning signals your body is sending you about the person or situation, such as tension in your shoulders, feelings of anxiety or snappiness. Embrace these signals, don’t judge them and don’t try to suppress them. (Spend around 30 to 45 seconds on this step, but not too long as you don’t want to ruminate on the negative.) Now, 2) REFLECT on how you feel: ask, answer and discuss why you are feeling the way you do. Use specific sentences, like “I feel this tension because …”. Sometimes, you may have to distinguish between a person who is toxic and a person who simply triggers you more than other people do, so observe yourself interacting with this person and how you react (that is the “when, what, where, how and why”). Do this for around 1 minute. After reflecting, 3) WRITE down what you feel and why for around 1 minute. This will help you organize your thinking, and give you insight into what your body and mind are trying to tell you. Then, 4) RECHECK what you have written, looking for your triggers, thought patterns and the “antidote”. For example, you might notice that you start snapping and speaking louder when asked something simple by a certain person, as though this is the straw that broke the camel’s back and released all your pent-up tension and anxiety. In this step, you can think about what to do to prevent this from happening in the future. Lastly, take action. I call this 5th step the ACTIVE REACH. This can be a positive statement that validates your feelings or a boundary you put up to give yourself time and space to process how you feel. But remember to explain why you need a boundary; try to get a “neutralizing person” involved in the discussion if necessary and say things like “I am not going to listen if you yell” or “we can talk about general things but not deep emotions until I am in a better place”. To read the original article click here. For more articles from Dr. Leaf click here.

The post This One Word Will Improve Your Mental Health & Relationships appeared first on Amazing Health Advances.

How to Correctly Apologize & Strengthen Your Relationship “Immune System” + Common Mistakes People Make in Relationships and How to Fix Them

AHA Publisher — Wed, 04 Nov 2020 08:00:14 +0000

Dr. Caroline Leaf – Did you know that there is a formula to all happy relationships, whether you are talking about your relationship with your dog or your relationship with your partner? In this podcast (episode #220) and blog, I speak with Harvard-trained psychologist, relationship and communications expert, and award winning author Dr. Melanie Joy about the formula for getting relationships right, common psychological dynamics that underpin all kinds of relationships, how to strengthen our relationship “immune system”, how to apologize, common mistakes people make in relationships and how to fix them, and so much more! As Melanie points out in her new book, Getting Relationships Right, if we want to improve any relationship, we need to understand the relationship dynamics for ALL our relationships, including our unhealthy relationships. The common denominator for all our relational issues, from climate change and factory farming (that is how we relate to the world around us) to poor self-esteem and broken romances (how we relate to ourselves and others), is relationship dysfunction. We are hardwired to empathize with others. Empathy is our natural state. The social systems we are born into can condition us to disconnect from our natural empathy when it comes to certain individuals or groups. This disconnection, in turn, distorts our perceptions and affects how we think, speak and act. It makes us think that certain individuals or groups are less deserving of our empathy, which results in global issues like systematic racism or environmental pollution. All these distorted systems are founded on a belief in the hierarchy of moral worth. (The same can be said for abusive relationships.) These are non-relational systems—they create disconnection rather than fostering greater connection. The good news is that when we learn the formula for what a healthy relationship looks like, we can apply this to ALL our relationships: companion animals, our life partner, our children, the clerk at the grocery store, whoever we encounter as we go about our day—the possibilities are endless. A healthy relationship reflects (1) integrity, honors the (2) dignity of the other life, and results in deep and meaningful (3) connection. A dysfunctional relationship, on the other hand, violates integrity, harms dignity and leads to disconnection. These relationships exist on a spectrum: at any given time, a relationship can be more or less healthy or dysfunctional. A relationship that is basically healthy will generally stay within the healthy end of this spectrum. As Melanie points out, most people get into trouble in relationships because they haven’t been taught essential relationship skills, such as how to communicate with each other—the primary way we relate to others. When it comes to any relationship, we should focus on: 1. Both how and what we communicate. We need to recognize the basic elements of communication: the content and the process. The content is the subject, or what we are talking about, and the process is how we are communicating. Most people tend to focus on the content, but the process (the how) is more important. The process typically determines how you feel. When your communication process is healthy, you can, in genera, talk about anything without arguing, and when your communication process in not healthy, then you can’t, in general, talk about anything without arguing! 2. Mutual understanding. The goal of a healthy communication process is mutual understanding. Communication is the way we share what is on our minds and in our hearts. In a healthy relationship, we want to share our thoughts and feelings with the other person. When our communication process is not healthy, then we have various other goals or agendas, like to win or to be right, rather than establishing a level of understanding. Always ask yourself when entering a conversation: what is my goal here? What do I want to get from this conversation? Yes, when things get heated in a relationships, it is easy to fall into a bad way of communicating. If you notice that you are starting to feel stressed in a conversation and you are going into debate mode, pause and ask yourself, “What is my agenda here? Am I trying to communicate something and understand the other person, or am I trying to prove a point and ‘win’?”. Take a few moments, breathe deeply, and question your motives. 3. Not confusing assumptions with the truth. We need to be aware that, as humans, we are constantly making assumptions—we are always creating stories and narratives in our minds and these are often not accurate because they are subjective. Don’t just enter a conversation with negative assumptions about the other person. A lot of the disconnection we experience in our relationships (with ourselves and others) is based on the subjective assumptions and stories we tell ourselves, which are often wrong. Remember that the story that you tell yourself about a situation determines how you feel about it, and how you feel about it determines what you do or say. So, be aware of how you come into a conversation and the assumptions you are making before you start talking to the other person. Share your narratives with the other person in a calm way, saying something like: “This is what I observed, and it makes me feel this way…am I wrong?”. Own your story as your own—don’t think that your story is the ultimate truth. Never make yourself the expert on the other person’s experience! 4. How you communicate with yourself. Our primary relationship we have is with ourselve We are relating to ourselves every minute of every day. We relate to ourselves through our self-talk—that voice in our head, as well as the choices we make, which impact our future selves. Most of us communicate with ourselves in a way that we would never tolerate coming from anybody else. Watch your self-talk: how does that voice in your head communicate with you? How does it treat you? Is your self-talk healthy, or harmful? Harmful self-talk is often characterized by two dominant emotions: Shame: This is not the same as guilt, which is how we feel about a behavior. Shame is how we feel about ourselves; we think “I am bad, or less than.” It attacks our sense of dignity and worth. Unfortunately, we all have tendency to feel shame, particularly due to our social conditioning and the belief in hierarchies of moral worth. We need to notice the red flags of shame in our communication, whether we are talking to ourselves or others. Shame can be very debilitating; it is the voice in our head telling us that we are not good enough, comparing ourselves to the idealized version of ourselves or others, which can make us lose our sense of power, control and dignity. Never forget that shame is an illusion—it only exists in comparison. It is perception-based, and can quickly change, even if your circumstances stay the same. It only exists in the stories we tell about ourselves. Contempt: Contempt means you have placed yourself in a position of moral superiority. When you feel contempt, you are perceiving yourself (your inner-critic) or others as less worthy. This is not the same as anger, which is an emotion. Anger can be healthy if we relate to it in a healthy way. Contempt, on the other hand, makes us shame others or ourselves because we feel superior. The antidote to contempt and shame is empathy. It is impossible to look down on someone or yourself if you have genuine understanding or compassion. 5. Self-awareness. Self-awareness is fundamental to healthy relationships. We can only communicate effectively if we know ourselves. The more self-aware you are, the more you will be aware of ways you can improve your communication with yourself and others. One way to do this is to pause throughout the day and just be aware of what you are thinking and feeling in the moment. Become aware of your rich, inner world! You can also check out my app SWITCH, which is a great tool for helping you learn how to develop your self-awareness and self-regulate your thoughts in order to overcome thought patterns and behaviors that impact your mental and physical wellbeing and relationships through the mental process of reconceptualization. Relationships can actually become the training around where we can cultivate create self-awareness and self-regulation. We don’t learn, grow or develop in isolation. We are fundamentally relational beings. Love motivates us to pay attention and change. But don’t think you can’t love others if you can’t love yourself. Many people may not know what love is until they are loved and feel love for others. Love can change us in ways we never knew possible! 6. Apologizing better. When someone feels that they have not been treated fairly or right, they will disconnect to protect themselves. To feel connected in a relationship, you need to create an environment where the other person feels safe with you. This means that the other person can trust that you will try to do your best no matter what happens, and one of the best ways you can demonstrate this is to apologize when you make a mistake or do something wrong. If you caused harm in a relationship, your apology should be at the emotional intensity of the hurt. When apologizing, express your empathy to the degree that the other person is expressing their emotion (within reason and to the best of your ability without making the situation worse). Be authentic and honest! It is important to feel guilty, or we will never change problematic behaviors. But be careful of falling into the shame trap! To avoid shame when apologizing: Be aware that behaviors and worth are not the same thing. Put yourself in the shoes of the other person. How can you make them feel safe again? Understand the hurt you have caused. Don’t just say something like “look it was just a mistake!”, “I am sorry you feel that way, but…” or “stop overreacting”. Express your understanding and remorse. Take responsibility. Admit that you did what you did. Give explanations, not excuses. Reassure the other person that you will do your best to make sure it doesn’t happen again. But remember to also cut yourself lot of slack: we have been born into a deeply dysfunctional society, so don’t become a perfectionist about how you relate to others, because this is very toxic. We are still living in the relational “dark ages”. Healthy relationships have room for people to be their messy, flawed selves and still be cherished. To read the original article click here. For more articles from Dr. Leaf click here.

The post How to Correctly Apologize & Strengthen Your Relationship “Immune System” + Common Mistakes People Make in Relationships and How to Fix Them appeared first on Amazing Health Advances.

The Difference Between Courageous Vulnerability And Wound-Based Oversharing + The #1 Relationship Killer

AHA Publisher — Tue, 29 Sep 2020 07:00:35 +0000

Dr. Caroline Leaf – When it comes to our relationships, we often fall into the trap of behaving like we think we should, rather than getting to the root of why and how we really connect to other people. In this blog and podcast episode (#204), I speak with international speaker and human connection specialist Mark Groves about the nature of human connection, common relationship mistakes we all make, how to improve our relationships, the difference between vulnerability and oversharing, how to embrace our emotions and connections, what women need to know about men, what men need to know about women, and so much more! One of the biggest things we need to realize is that love doesn’t just happen like some Disney movie. It is a skill set that everyone can learn. Indeed, relationships are hard work, and sometimes they end, and that is perfectly okay. We shouldn’t get trapped by society’s expectations or judgements about who or why we love or when we choose to walk away. Don’t stay in a relationship where you can’t be true to yourself. If you feel the need to perform all the time, then you will be unhappy. Mark believes that we need to talk about the nature of love and human connection everywhere, even in the corporate world. Love is not just some “ooy goey” thing. If you get good at one type of human connection, aspects of your other relationships will start to improve. This is why we need to invest in the way we relate to each other, especially in the workplace, which will create safer and more productive workplaces, by helping build “families” at work. To start improving the way we connect to others, especially in our romantic relationships, we need to focus on: 1. Communication issues. As the saying goes, it takes two to tango! Communication is a dance; each action and reaction will cause a response. 2. Thinking that the other person is always the issue or always wrong. What we tend to struggle with in any area of our lives will be magnified in our relationships, especially romantic ones. Don’t just assume it’s always the other person. What baggage are you perhaps bringing into the relationship? How can you deal with this and reconceptualize your own story? As I discussed on Mark’s podcast, what is happening in the brain with relation to our memories, relationships, and past experiences will affect how we function in any relationship. Thankfully, we can use mind-directed techniques to help relieve the intrusive thoughts that are affecting our relationships. For more on how to do this, listen to the interview! You can also check out my app SWITCH, which may be helpful during this process. It is a great tool for helping you learn how to manage your mind, deal with the roots of your mental chaos, and overcome negative thought patterns and behaviors that impact your mental health and relationships by using the mental process of reconceptualization. 3. A low tolerance for uncertainty. Make room for change in a relationship, and learn to trust that change. Don’t just say things like “you usually attack me, but not this time… so, what’s the catch?” or “why are you not shouting? I am suspicious….”. Have tolerance for not knowing how conversation will go all the time. 4. Being reactive when someone doesn’t agree with you. Remember, you can hold two different truths in your mind at the same time, even when you agree to disagree. This will not kill you, and it is possible to listen and hear what other people are saying even if they hold different viewpoints. Don’t give in to the current antagonistic climate, especially in your close relationships. Learn how to sit and be curious about someone else’s experience of the world without being threatened; observe and control your reactions instead of just letting loose all the time. You don’t have to make someone think like you if you are in a relationship. It is possible to co-exist with different perspectives. 5. Talking about the hard stuff. One of the most important things you can do in a relationship is to talk about the hard things in the relationship to the people who are in the relationship, not just friends or family. Make space for adult tantrums and difficult emotions; do not suppress or avoid these feelings, or they can destroy your relationship. If you partner is battling to express how they feel, be patient. Speaking about how you feel takes a lot of courage, and the person may get it wrong, so be understanding. It is also important to recognize that if someone doesn’t know how to hold space for their feelings, they won’t be able to have space for other people’s feelings, which often happens with men. Society has conditioned them to fix, provide or solve, not express what they feel. Not sure where to start? One relationship technique Mark loves is the imago dialogue: Only one person talks at a time. You request, “can you talk?”, then you agree to listen to that person without responding or adding in what you think or feel. You mirror back what they are saying, asking “did I get that right?”. This way of communicating will teach you to listen and hear what your partner is trying to communicate, rather than just arguing your side. When it comes to the way we connect and communicate with others, it is equally important that we know the difference between courageous vulnerability and wound-based oversharing. The first comes from place of self-worth (knowing that your story is validated by yourself, not others) and the second comes from a place of trying to justify or validate our own feelings and pain (which is based on feelings of insecurity). Always remember, how you tell your story matters, not what happened. Can you look at the pain and find the wisdom? Can you see what this experience is asking of you? How will you integrate this pain into your life and give it purpose? How will you learn and grow? We are held hostage by our pain when we haven’t learned from it. But what happens when your story changes? How do you deal with a major break up? Don’t say you shouldn’t feel the way you feel—this won’t make it go away. See the break up as a path to find and heal yourself. Stay sober & avoid new relationships. Stay away from anything that pulls you away from “you”. See the break up as an opportunity to learn about yourself and dive deep internally; take your anger and pain and channel it into a learning experience. Learn from the experience and ask yourself questions like, “Did I put my best self forward in the relationship?” or “Where did I maybe go wrong?” This article has been modified. To read the original article click here. For more articles from Dr. Leaf click here.

The post The Difference Between Courageous Vulnerability And Wound-Based Oversharing + The #1 Relationship Killer appeared first on Amazing Health Advances.