healthy relationships Archives - Amazing Health Advances

How Sex Can Improve Your Mind

The AHA! Team — Fri, 14 Jun 2024 08:23:24 +0000

Dr. Caroline Leaf – In this podcast (episode #472) and blog, I talk about relationships, communication, sex, and the mind. This is part 1 of a 3-part series. High-quality intimate relationships are good for our health—we all know this! But did you know that sexual intimacy is also good for us? I recently interviewed Dr. Elissa Epel about her work with telomeres and stress, and she mentioned that one of her most interesting and popular studies, published in 2017, was on a correlation she and her team found between longevity and safe and consensual sex. In this study, Dr. Epel and her team observed that couples that are more sexually intimate have longer telomeres, which contribute to our cellular health and longevity. Couples that are more sexually intimate have longer telomeres Other researchers have also found that the frequency of sexual intimacy for individuals in healthy relationships is linked to greater mental and physical health outcomes, such as more general happiness and greater life satisfaction (Muise et al., 2016), greater heart variability (Costa and Brody, 2012), lower daily somatic symptoms (Stadler et al., 2012), reduced daily diurnal cortisol (Ditzen et al., 2008), and a more robust immune response! Researchers have even found that the frequency of safe sexual intimacy for individuals in relationships has been linked to greater mental and physical health outcomes, such as more general happiness and greater life satisfaction (Muise et al., 2016)! But this is not just about sex. As Dr. Epel discusses in her work, our telomeres are correlated with how supported we feel in a relationship. Healthier romantic relationships tend to predict a positive stress response and better longevity. The stronger your relationship is, the better your sexual intimacy will be, which, in turn, can help improve not only your mental health but also your longevity! Of course, this is a lot easier on paper than it is in real life. In a romantic relationship, you literally imprint that person onto your brain. This means that you are connected in ways that are both emotional and physical. You really do affect each other, which can be both a good and bad thing. These kinds of relationships can be incredibly challenging at times—I don’t think you need me to tell you that! Below are some tips to help you build a healthier relationship through communication and improve your sexual intimacy and overall health: 1. Establish an open line of communication: It is important to establish an open line of communication with your partner on a regular basis by encouraging them to share what is on their mind AND sharing how you feel. Work on creating an environment where you both feel like you can talk about everything that is happening in your lives, from the small to the big things. This will help you both feel more supported in the relationship. 2. Think before you speak: Make sure you have thought about what you want to say and work on staying calm when confronting your partner or discussing an issue. If you raise your voice or become aggressive, it can quickly spiral into a fight. It takes about 60-90 seconds for emotions to pass through you, so if you feel upset, it’s critical you not do anything besides just breathe and gather awareness during this period. This is the time when most people react and then regret what they said or did. Waiting for about a minute or so before speaking gives your brain and nonconscious mind the time to dynamically self-regulate by adjusting to and organizing the incoming information. 3. Ask before you speak: Ask your partner if you can talk to them about what is bothering you, rather than just demanding that they listen to what you have to say. 4. Don’t run away from the uncomfortable: Whatever you say might be hard for your partner to hear or process in the moment, and they might react in anger or sadness. Just keep reminding yourself that they are experiencing their own emotions and may be surprised by what you are saying. Don’t try to suppress or avoid uncomfortable situations. You can tell your partner that you value what you have with them, but be assertive about your desire for something more and your need to communicate what you don’t feel happy about. 5. Learn to just “be” with each other: Yes, great sex and exciting date nights are amazing. But times of quiet, where you can just “be” with your partner, are equally important when it comes to feeling supported and loved. Just sitting quietly with your loved one, for example, has a beauty in and of itself. I call this the “live your best life” mentality: learning to notice beauty in the small things will make your time with your partner feel like a gift—something to be treasured and appreciated every day. For more on relationships, sex and the mind, listen to my podcast (episode #472). Podcast Highlights 0:37 The science behind relationships & the mind 5:48 Sex, relationships & longevity 9:10 How improving our relationships can improve our health 10:33 Why communication is so important in a relationship 11:22, 18:28 Ways to improve your communication so you feel supported in a relationship This podcast and blog are for educational purposes only and are not intended as medical advice. We always encourage each person to make the decision that seems best for their situation with the guidance of a medical professional. To read the original article click here.

The post How Sex Can Improve Your Mind appeared first on Amazing Health Advances.

Dealing with Textxiety

AHA Publisher — Wed, 01 May 2024 05:00:43 +0000

Dr. Caroline Leaf – In this podcast (episode #566) and blog, I talk about how to manage texting anxiety (yes, it’s a thing!). I am sure you have had the experience where you see a text come through and your heart just sinks into your stomach.Texting anxiety is so real that it even has its own coined term, “textxiety“! Some people may worry that their messages will be misinterpreted or taken out of context. In fact, many people feel a sense of unease, worry, and stress when texting. Although this may sound strange, it is important to remember that texting is another form of communication—it makes sense that it could cause someone to feel a sense of anxiety. Some people may worry that their messages will be misinterpreted or taken out of context. They are concerned that the recipient will not understand the intended tone or meaning of their messages. For others, texting can create a sense of urgency; someone may feel pressured to respond immediately, which can lead to anxiety, especially when they are unable to reply promptly. In other cases, someone may obsessively review and revise their messages before sending them, fearing that any wording or phrasing could be problematic. This can add a lot of stress to a conversation. And some people may find texting stressful as they are not able to read the nonverbal cues that they rely on in face-to-face interactions. In other cases, someone may obsessively review and revise their messages before sending them.. If you are someone who battles with texting anxiety, I recommend using the Neurocycle mind management method I have developed and studied over the past three decades, which I discuss in detail in my book Cleaning Up Your Mental Mess and my app Neurocycle. It has 5 steps: Steps 1-3: gather, reflect and write down how you feel when a text comes in. Try to analyze why texting gives you anxiety. Take into account your emotions, behaviors, bodily sensations, and perspective when you receive a text. Sit with these feelings and write them down to help organize your thinking and bring clarity to the situation. Use who/what /when/where/why questions to find the pattern behind your reactions. Step 4: recheck. Once you feel like you understand the meaning behind your anxiety better, try to come up with solutions to alleviate the stress you feel when texting. This will take you to: Step 5: the active reach. This is a thought or action you need to practice daily to help you reconceptualize what you worked through in the previous step. What are you going to do each day to give yourself the time and mental space needed to deal with what is bothering you and turn this situation into something constructive? Here are some examples: Establish clear boundaries for when and how often you engage in texting. It’s okay to take breaks from your phone! Send a text to someone that you will reply to later when you get the chance in order to alleviate the stress that comes with feeling bad about not replying. Take a moment to think before responding, especially if the conversation is emotionally charged. Avoid rushing to reply when you’re upset or anxious! If certain individuals consistently cause text anxiety, consider blocking or muting their messages temporarily. This can provide relief and time for you to regroup. Be kind to yourself and recognize that it’s normal to make mistakes or experience anxiety in communication and texting is a form of communication just like any other! Remind yourself of this. If you can, put your phone on “Do Not Disturb” mode when you are working or at night when you are sleeping. Tell people that you do not answer texts during certain hours. Categorize your texts with colors and pictures, so that you know what to read first and what to leave until you feel better prepared. If a text is causing you a lot of anxiety, perhaps get someone else to read it first. Before opening a text, prepare yourself with breathing exercises or movement like yoga stretches to ground you. The key thing to remember that text anxiety is a pretty common experience. It is not something to be ashamed of! It’s okay to seek help or employ strategies to alleviate it. By incorporating these practices into your digital communication routine, you can make texting a less stressful and more enjoyable means of connecting with others. For more on texting anxiety, listen to my podcast (episode #566). Podcast Highlights 3:20 Text anxiety is a real thing! 5:30, 8:44 Signs that you may be experiencing text anxiety 13:00, 19:33 How to manage text anxiety This podcast and blog are for educational purposes only and are not intended as medical advice. We always encourage each person to make the decision that seems best for their situation with the guidance of a medical professional. To read the original article click here.

The post Dealing with Textxiety appeared first on Amazing Health Advances.

The Difference Between Toxic and Healthy Boundaries

AHA Publisher — Fri, 19 Nov 2021 08:00:36 +0000

Dr. Caroline Leaf – In this podcast (episode #330) and blog, I discuss boundaries: what they are, why they are important, and how to create healthy boundaries in your life and relationships. There is so much information out there about boundaries, especially on social media these days. But even though there is a lot of great infographics and articles available, boundaries can still be quite confusing. What exactly does it mean to have a boundary? Why do we need them? How do we know when a boundary becomes unhealthy? What is the difference between good and bad boundaries? I think one of the best ways to think about boundaries is using three different glasses and a small stone. One glass is tiny, like a shot glass; one glass is a tumbler; the last glass is a like a mason jar. In the shot glass, the little stone takes up a lot of room. In the glass tumbler, the stone takes up less room. And in the mason jar, the stone takes up hardly any room. See this stone as an issue you are dealing with, such as a toxic person in your family, at work or at school. This issue is very real, just like the stone is real. And, if you feel like you need a boundary, this means that you feel that this person or people are invading your personal space, which can have real physical and mental repercussions. In fact, every interaction with this person adds more and more toxicity to this issue. (This is at the heart of what it means to be “triggered”.) The issue gets bigger and bigger in your mind, which has a greater impact on your wellbeing. Issues don’t just stay in our mind and brain, it affects our entire person. A healthy way to deal with this “stone” and put up boundaries involves creating space around the issue, not allow it to get any bigger. This allows us to gain perspective, which then enables us to get to the root cause of the issue and work on managing and reconcepualizing it, as I discuss in my book Cleaning Up Your Mental Mess and my app Neurocycle. You can’t fix or change the person who is impacting you in a negative way; you can only take responsibility for your own response – that is, what you choose to do and how you choose to respond. This means, using the analogy of the glasses, moving the rock from the shot glass, where it is taking up all that space in your life and is all-consuming, to the tumbler glass, where you have more space and perspective to work on it. Then, you eventually move it to the mason jar glass, where, through healthy boundaries, it no longer defines you or your wellbeing. Here, you have had enough space to work on it and get to the root cause(s), and you are learning how to manage its impact in your life and deal with the person or people affecting you in a healthy way. You are working towards resolving the issue and finding the best way to move forward FOR YOU. Some examples of ways to do this are: Agree to disagree with someone: create space/distance, which will allow you to process and learn how to manage this disagreement by choosing to opt out of the conversation in the moment or for the near future. But be specific! How will you create this space? For how long? Why? What will it look like if you eventually choose to interact with that person in the future? Or if you choose to no longer have a relationship with them? Use space/distance to examine why you feel the way you do: ask yourself questions! Why were you triggered? Why did you show up or react in this way? How do you see yourself and this issue? Why did this person who triggered you react the way they did? What may be going on in their life that is affecting how they respond to you? Are they responding this way because they don’t like you, or because they are going through something challenging? An unhealthy way of creating boundaries, on the other hand, means putting up a wall to keep that person or people out of your life without creating space for dealing with the issue in your own life. This means that that stone is still in the shot glass, which you have only moved some distance away. You haven’t created space to work on the issue in your own life, and you haven’t found a way to resolve the problem and move on. It is still there, but you are just trying to ignore it, which never works! In this confined space (the stone in small glass), there is no room to see clearly—the emotional information dominates your interactions, potentially impacting your mental and physical wellbeing, as well as your relationships. When you create a healthy boundary, the issue stays the same, but a boundary creates the space you need to look at the issue differently, work on it and reconceptualize it over time, thereby finding a way forward. This is key! Even if the person who triggered you remains toxic, you can still control how they affect you, which is incredibly empowering. Hopefully, the way you are managing yourself and becoming less reactive will impact them, and they too will recognize that they need to create space to work on themselves! To read the original article click here.

The post The Difference Between Toxic and Healthy Boundaries appeared first on Amazing Health Advances.

What to Do When Neither Outside or Inside the Home is Safe During the COVID-19 Crisis

AHA Publisher — Tue, 21 Apr 2020 07:00:26 +0000

Dr. Caroline Leaf – Relationships can be challenging at the best of times, but what do you do when you are stuck in self-quarantine with a difficult person? How do you set boundaries and deal with challenging roommates, partners or family members? In this week’s blog and podcast, I talk about what we can do if it is not safe to go outdoors or stay inside, how to set firm boundaries during this period of self-quarantine and how to navigate difficult relationships with relationship therapist and clinical social worker Nedra Tawwab. First, it is important to recognize that if you feel physically threatened in any way, domestic violence and emergency services are still operational, and you should seek shelter with family, friends or at an organization or home. In crises emergency services increase—they will be available to help you. The national domestic abuse hotline for the USA is 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). The national child abuse hotline for the USA is 1-800-422-4453. If you are feeling uncomfortable at home, it is essential that you set firm boundaries, as you have limited mental energy and you do not want to expend that getting stuck in difficult, draining or stressful situations. 1. Know your triggers. Triggers are indicators that boundaries need to be put in place. Indeed, the biggest indictor that you need boundaries in the home is when you find yourself feeling frustrated, angry or resentful. Pay attention to these triggers, don’t suppress them! Think about the root cause of your feelings, and take steps to improve the situation. 2. Don’t make assumptions. Identify your need and act to change what is happening, don’t just ruminate on the frustration or make assumptions. Don’t just assume that people know what you need! When you make assumptions, you create a story and act on that, but what you think may not be true in totality—maybe the person you are dealing with didn’t even know you needed help! 3. Talk to the person you are having issues with. Talk to them in a gentle, but firm way (especially if you are usually passive), making your request in a confident and clear way. Do not apologize or ask the other person if this is okay. When setting boundaries, you want people to understand you mean business. 4. Avoid bringing up major issues. During this quarantine period, you don’t want to bring up those deep issues and start fights. Save that for when you have freedom to move about in the world and process what is going on. 5. Spend time in a different room or separate area of the house. You can even go outside, if possible. Give yourself and the other person space. If they follow you, or are emotionally or verbally abusive, try go into a room with a door you can lock, and if you feel threatened contact a friend or family member you trust or emergency services immediately. If someone you live with does not respecting quarantine, it is equally important that you set firm boundaries and let them know that they are not allowed to enter your space if they continue their rash behavior. It is very important that you maintain your own safety, especially if someone you live with who doesn’t respect quarantine. 6. Set firm consequences. Let the other person know you will leave or lock the door if they do not stop or do not respect your boundaries. But what happens if you are alone and do not even have someone to set boundaries with? How do you deal with socially-mandated isolation? Reach out to your friends, coworkers and family via video mediums like Zoom and Skype and the phone, it is important that you keep your mind active, so that you avoid ruminating on unhealthy thoughts! Start a new DIY project at home, learn new skills, watch educational videos (such as learning how to build a website), and read books! Novels are a great way to pass the time, as stories make us feel more human and connected. For more ways to occupy your brain during this period of self-quarantine, see my recent blog. It is also important that you give your neighbors grace. Be gentle with people that are out and about at the grocery store, in the park or walking around the neighborhood—this may be how they are managing their mental health and loneliness, and is not necessarily a sign that they are not respecting social distancing guidelines. We are all in this together, and we are all trying our best to make a tough situation work. If you are a parent, it is equally important you give yourself grace! Many of us are stepping into new roles at home, so don’t shame yourself for not being the best teacher when you are not a teacher, and give yourself space if you are battling. Nedra recommends waking up a little earlier than everyone else, which will give you a few moments to relax and prepare for the day ahead. You can also schedule in periods of independent play or tablet/TV time for your children, so that you have “me time” during the day, which is so important for your mental health! Creating a schedule for your kids can also be helpful, so that they don’t spend every ten minutes asking you what is next—predictability makes things easier for everyone, as I discussed in a recent blog and podcast (episode #144) on parenting during the pandemic. And if you are feeling hopeless, depressed or angry, that is perfectly okay! We are all cycling through the different stages of grief, as we have all lost a sense of normalcy. So many things are uncertain and unknown, so it is very understandable if we feel hopeless or at a loss. You need to allow yourself to feel all these things, and try not to ruminate on one feeling: let them pass, and don’t suppress or ignore your emotions, as doing so will negatively impact your mental and physical health. It is also important to set self-boundaries, so that you are not constantly triggered at home, which make your emotions spiral out of control. Be very careful about what you are ingesting or who you are around. You need to reserve your mental energy and preserve your mental health, so watch what conversations you are having, how much you are watching the news, how much you are talking about COVID and so on. If what you are discussing with a friend or family member is upsetting you, ask to change the conversation. Don’t be afraid to let people know how you feel. Remember, you need to make sure that you feel safe and live a life that make you feel content, both during a global pandemic and during “normal” times. Like Prince Harry and Meghan, creating the sort of life you want may be in direct conflict with what you family want for you, but you may need to make challenging decisions and set firm boundaries if you want to live a life that makes you happy. Be firm with your loved ones, but recognize that you may need to spend some time away for them. Give your family time and grace to adjust, because you have probably been thinking about making a change or pursuing a certain direction in life for months or years and now they need to process it as well. This article has been modified. To read the original article click here. For more articles by Dr. Leaf click here.

The post What to Do When Neither Outside or Inside the Home is Safe During the COVID-19 Crisis appeared first on Amazing Health Advances.

Teens Who Don’t Date Are Less Depressed and Have Better Social Skills

The AHA! Team — Wed, 11 Sep 2019 07:00:00 +0000

University of Georgia via EurekAlert – Non-dating students had similar or better interpersonal skills than their more frequently dating peers. While the scores of self-reported positive relationships with friends, at home, and at school did not differ between dating and non-dating peers, teachers rated the non-dating students significantly higher for social skills and leadership skills than their dating peers. Dating, especially during the teenage years, is thought to be an important way for young people to build self-identity, develop social skills, learn about other people, and grow emotionally. Yet new research from the University of Georgia has found that not dating can be an equally beneficial choice for teens. And in some ways, these teens fared even better. The study, published online in The Journal of School Health, found that adolescents who were not in romantic relationships during middle and high school had good social skills and low depression, and fared better or equal to peers who dated. “The majority of teens have had some type of romantic experience by 15 to 17 years of age, or middle adolescence,” said Brooke Douglas, a doctoral student in health promotion at UGA’s College of Public Health and the study’s lead author. Normative behavior “This high frequency has led some researchers to suggest that dating during teenage years is a normative behavior. That is, adolescents who have a romantic relationship are therefore considered ‘on time’ in their psychological development.” If dating was considered normal and essential for a teen’s individual development and well-being, Douglas began to wonder what this suggested about adolescents who chose not to date. Maladjusted or Social Misfits? “Does this mean that teens that don’t date are maladjusted in some way? That they are social misfits? Few studies had examined the characteristics of youth who do not date during the teenage years, and we decided we wanted to learn more,” she said. To do this, Douglas and study co-author Pamela Orpinas examined whether 10th grade students who reported no or very infrequent dating over a seven-year period differed on emotional and social skills from their more frequently dating peers. 2013 study They analyzed data collected during a 2013 study led by Orpinas, which followed a cohort of adolescents from Northeast Georgia from sixth through 12th grade. Each spring, students indicated whether they had dated, and reported on a number of social and emotional factors, including positive relationships with friends, at home, and at school, symptoms of depression, and suicidal thoughts. Their teachers completed questionnaires rating each student’s behavior in areas that included social skills, leadership skills and levels of depression. Non-dating students had similar or better interpersonal skills than their more frequently dating peers. While the scores of self-reported positive relationships with friends, at home, and at school did not differ between dating and non-dating peers, teachers rated the non-dating students significantly higher for social skills and leadership skills than their dating peers. Students who didn’t date were also less likely to be depressed. Teachers’ scores on the depression scale were significantly lower for the group that reported no dating. Additionally, the proportion of students who self-reported being sad or hopeless was significantly lower within this group as well. “In summary, we found that non-dating students are doing well and are simply following a different and healthy developmental trajectory than their dating peers,” said Orpinas, a professor of health promotion and behavior. Healthy development “While the study refutes the notion of non-daters as social misfits, it also calls for health promotion interventions at schools and elsewhere to include non-dating as an option for normal, healthy development,” said Douglas. “As public health professionals, we can do a better job of affirming that adolescents do have the individual freedom to choose whether they want to date or not, and that either option is acceptable and healthy,” she said. To read the original article click here.

The post Teens Who Don’t Date Are Less Depressed and Have Better Social Skills appeared first on Amazing Health Advances.