healthy boundaries Archives - Amazing Health Advances

9 Signs of Narcissistic Personality Disorder

The AHA! Team — Fri, 16 May 2025 05:08:42 +0000

Larissa Biggers via Duke Health – Narcissism vs. Narcissistic Personality Disorder Having narcissistic tendencies — like bragging or making yourself the center of attention — are normal when they occur occasionally. Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is different. Symptoms are more severe, occur across different situations and environments, and make relationships with others challenging, if not impossible. Here, Zachary Rosenthal PhD, a clinical psychologist at Duke Health, answers questions about NPD and what you can do if you suspect that you or a loved one has the condition. Dr. Zach Rosenthal discusses the symptoms of NPD, how it is diagnosed, and the individualized approach he takes for treating the disorder. What are the symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder? Use the acronym “SPECIAL ME” to remember the nine signs of NPD. SPECIAL ME Sense of self-importance Preoccupation with power, beauty, or success Entitled Can only be around people who are important or special Interpersonally exploitative for their own gain Arrogant Lack empathy Must be admired Envious of others or believe that others are envious of them How is NPD diagnosed? Trained mental health professionals conduct a structured interview to learn more about an individual’s typical behavior patterns. If someone consistently displays at least five of the SPECIAL ME traits, they meet the diagnostic criteria for the condition. Is NPD genetic? No, there is no gene for NPD, and people are not born with it. Like other mental health conditions, environment is a major factor. Children who are encouraged to believe they are extraordinary and always deserve the best — sometimes at the expense of others — could later develop NPD. In these children, traits like confidence are rewarded, while qualities like empathy are not. Are narcissists bad people? Narcissists are not bad people; it’s their behavior that’s problematic. They have been conditioned to believe that they are special and deserve to be treated better than others and approach the world accordingly. Can I have a relationship with someone with NPD? It depends. If your romantic partner, family member, or boss has NPD, they can make your life challenging. Because they put themselves first, you may feel belittled, and your mental health could suffer. Coping strategies include setting personal boundaries and gently walking away if they are breached. However, this is not always easy to do. Calling your partner a narcissist won’t help either. Instead, you should focus on your well-being and decide what you are willing to tolerate. Can people recover from NPD? Yes, but changing a learned behavior takes time and effort. People with NPD do not generally seek help on their own, and if they do, it is often because of a co-existing problem, like anxiety. Because there is no proven medication or therapy to treat NPD, providers take an individualized approach. Getting to know the patient and establishing a trusting relationship are key components of treatment. If a person is willing to change and their therapist can help them bridge the gap between their current and desired behaviors, there is hope for recovery. To read the original article click here.

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How to Teach Your Kids About Boundaries

The AHA! Team — Fri, 31 May 2024 05:33:24 +0000

Dr. Caroline Leaf – In this podcast (episode #504) and blog, I talk about the importance of teaching your child about boundaries. This is part 1 of a 2-part series on parenting, boundaries, and mental health. From the moment children are born, they are tied to their environment and the people within their environment. They are born into a community which they both shape and are shaped by. A child’s identity is closely tied to their community – their family, friends, and other acquaintances. Children develop a sense of who they are in relation to who they are with. This has both a huge potential for growth and connection and a huge potential for harm, which is why teaching your child how to have healthy relationships from a young age is so important for their mental and physical wellbeing. One of the best ways to teach your child about healthy relationships is to teach them how to set boundaries and model what healthy boundaries look like in your own life and with your child. Explain to your child that boundaries are rooted in respect for oneself and respect for others, and show them what this looks like in your own life. Explain to your child that boundaries are rooted in respect for oneself and respect for others A great way of showing your child what boundaries are is by using everyday explanations and examples so that they can grasp the idea better. Give your child different options for events that happen daily, where they have to make a decision based on how they feel in the moment. For example, when a child wants to play with something that may not be safe for them to play with, tell them they cannot play with that object, but don’t just leave the matter there. Explain to them why that object is not a toy, then give them a few options of things that they can play with and have them decide what they want to do. In this case, you set a boundary for something the child is not allowed to do, you explain why, and then you let them decide what they feel they want to do with the other options available. It is also important to remember that boundaries are not just for older children or adults. They are a set of rules someone creates that identifies them as an individual and sets out what they emotionally and physically like or dislike. It is a way someone, regardless of their age, can let the people in their life know what makes them feel comfortable in their own environment, and, as such, boundaries can help build and develop stronger connections with other people. A great way to teach our children about healthy boundaries is to respect their space, time, privacy and emotions, even when they are young (depending on their age and developmental level, and considering your child’s safety). If we want our children to be able to set healthy boundaries with others, they should be able to “practice” this by setting boundaries with the people they feel the safest with—their parents or caregivers. Let them know that if they are uncomfortable with something, then it is okay to tell us. We can do this by truly listening to what our children say, observing how they react, and creating space to let them know that if they are uncomfortable with something, then it is okay to tell us. For example, if your child does not want to be hugged by other people (even a close family member like a grandmother), letting them know their feelings are okay teaches them how to navigate relationship challenges from a young age. I want to stress this point because we usually hear about how important it is to set boundaries with your children and how to tell them no, but not enough about acknowledging and accepting our children’s own need for boundaries. Even though children may not fully grasp the concept of boundaries, they are very aware that there are certain things that they do not enjoy or feel comfortable with. When we as parents and guardians acknowledge this, we give our children the confidence to voice their needs and desires, as well as teaching them from youth the importance of saying “no” and the value of consent. Of course, this doesn’t mean that we just let our children do what they want in the name of “boundaries”. Rather, it means that, as parents and caregivers, we need to distinguish between enforcing the necessary parts of parenting (for example, like brushing their teeth or going to bed at a certain time), while also understanding that our children also need space to learn establish their own boundaries, desires and shape their own identity (within the comfort of their home, knowing that we as parents are there as a “safety net” to help and guide them). This will look different for different ages and situations, but includes things like not sharing information about your child’s personal struggles on social media without their permission, or, when they are older, not sharing anything that they have told you in confidence with others unless it is a matter of their safety. Some parents may think they have a right to do this, but it shows their child that their personal privacy is not respected, and this can quickly backfire, often encouraging your child to hide more of their life from you. For more on teaching your child about boundaries, listen to my podcast (episode #504). Podcast Highlights 2:00 How to help your child clean up their mental mess 8:20 Why it is important to teach your child about boundaries 11:20 Why we need to model boundaries for our children & teach them what boundaries look like in their own lives 14:20 Why it is important to create a safe space at home for our children 15:45 What boundaries are & why they are an important part of raising resilient children 18:16 Boundaries are for everyone, even young children! 22:40, 25:14 What it means to respect your child’s boundaries This podcast and blog are for educational purposes only and are not intended as medical advice. We always encourage each person to make the decision that seems best for their situation with the guidance of a medical professional. To read the original article click here.

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The Difference Between Toxic and Healthy Boundaries

AHA Publisher — Fri, 19 Nov 2021 08:00:36 +0000

Dr. Caroline Leaf – In this podcast (episode #330) and blog, I discuss boundaries: what they are, why they are important, and how to create healthy boundaries in your life and relationships. There is so much information out there about boundaries, especially on social media these days. But even though there is a lot of great infographics and articles available, boundaries can still be quite confusing. What exactly does it mean to have a boundary? Why do we need them? How do we know when a boundary becomes unhealthy? What is the difference between good and bad boundaries? I think one of the best ways to think about boundaries is using three different glasses and a small stone. One glass is tiny, like a shot glass; one glass is a tumbler; the last glass is a like a mason jar. In the shot glass, the little stone takes up a lot of room. In the glass tumbler, the stone takes up less room. And in the mason jar, the stone takes up hardly any room. See this stone as an issue you are dealing with, such as a toxic person in your family, at work or at school. This issue is very real, just like the stone is real. And, if you feel like you need a boundary, this means that you feel that this person or people are invading your personal space, which can have real physical and mental repercussions. In fact, every interaction with this person adds more and more toxicity to this issue. (This is at the heart of what it means to be “triggered”.) The issue gets bigger and bigger in your mind, which has a greater impact on your wellbeing. Issues don’t just stay in our mind and brain, it affects our entire person. A healthy way to deal with this “stone” and put up boundaries involves creating space around the issue, not allow it to get any bigger. This allows us to gain perspective, which then enables us to get to the root cause of the issue and work on managing and reconcepualizing it, as I discuss in my book Cleaning Up Your Mental Mess and my app Neurocycle. You can’t fix or change the person who is impacting you in a negative way; you can only take responsibility for your own response – that is, what you choose to do and how you choose to respond. This means, using the analogy of the glasses, moving the rock from the shot glass, where it is taking up all that space in your life and is all-consuming, to the tumbler glass, where you have more space and perspective to work on it. Then, you eventually move it to the mason jar glass, where, through healthy boundaries, it no longer defines you or your wellbeing. Here, you have had enough space to work on it and get to the root cause(s), and you are learning how to manage its impact in your life and deal with the person or people affecting you in a healthy way. You are working towards resolving the issue and finding the best way to move forward FOR YOU. Some examples of ways to do this are: Agree to disagree with someone: create space/distance, which will allow you to process and learn how to manage this disagreement by choosing to opt out of the conversation in the moment or for the near future. But be specific! How will you create this space? For how long? Why? What will it look like if you eventually choose to interact with that person in the future? Or if you choose to no longer have a relationship with them? Use space/distance to examine why you feel the way you do: ask yourself questions! Why were you triggered? Why did you show up or react in this way? How do you see yourself and this issue? Why did this person who triggered you react the way they did? What may be going on in their life that is affecting how they respond to you? Are they responding this way because they don’t like you, or because they are going through something challenging? An unhealthy way of creating boundaries, on the other hand, means putting up a wall to keep that person or people out of your life without creating space for dealing with the issue in your own life. This means that that stone is still in the shot glass, which you have only moved some distance away. You haven’t created space to work on the issue in your own life, and you haven’t found a way to resolve the problem and move on. It is still there, but you are just trying to ignore it, which never works! In this confined space (the stone in small glass), there is no room to see clearly—the emotional information dominates your interactions, potentially impacting your mental and physical wellbeing, as well as your relationships. When you create a healthy boundary, the issue stays the same, but a boundary creates the space you need to look at the issue differently, work on it and reconceptualize it over time, thereby finding a way forward. This is key! Even if the person who triggered you remains toxic, you can still control how they affect you, which is incredibly empowering. Hopefully, the way you are managing yourself and becoming less reactive will impact them, and they too will recognize that they need to create space to work on themselves! To read the original article click here.

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The Difference Between Being Patient Vs. Enabling Toxic Behavior

AHA Publisher — Mon, 25 Jan 2021 08:00:51 +0000

Dr. Caroline Leaf – In this podcast (episode #249) and blog, I discuss the difference between enabling and empowering someone. Simply put, enabling is doing something challenging for someone else, while empowering someone means helping and supporting them as they complete the challenging task. Think of those school projects you did as a child; enabling is your mom doing the whole project for you, while empowering is your mom helping you do your own school project. Enabling teaches the person being enabled that someone else will always fix or solve their issues for them, or make the consequences go away. When someone is struggling with an issue, they can quickly become reliant on the person or persons who are enabling them, instead of developing the self-regulation needed to heal and move forward. There is often a fine line between enabling and empowering someone. This makes it hard to know what the best thing to do is in any given situation, especially if we are trying to help a loved one. So, how do we know when we are approaching that line? Of course, most of us genuinely want to help others. That’s one of the many beautiful qualities of being human! As a mother, when I see my children in pain, I am heartbroken and want to absorb their pain and take it away—I often do not want to let them suffer or face the consequences. But, in most cases, I cannot and should not do this, as it can end up causing more harm than good, crippling their own ability to handle life. We need to recognize there is a certain level of “messiness” and pain involved in life—this is inevitable, especially when you’re trying to help those you care for. It can be very complicated and hard to do. How do say no? When do you need to say no? What if you don’t want to hurt the people you care about? Could saying no damage the relationship? Are you fearful of what they might do if you don’t step in and take on the burden? One thing that has helped me in my life is using my 5-step Neurocycle mind-management technique to examine a situation to help me deal with all this messiness, manage my emotions and find out if I am helping someone I love or enabling them. First, I gather awareness of the situation: I become aware of a situation I am (or were in), including the emotional and physical warning signals I experience as I think about this situation. Am I feeling feeling unhappy, frustrated, confused, wary or angry? Do I feel heart palpitations or stomach pains? Tuning into these warning signals, responding to them and questioning them will take you deeper into your own mind and help you recognize the difference between enabling and empowering in this situation. This allows you can make the best choice for you and your loved ones. Then, I reflect on these signals: In this step, I essentially put my thoughts and feelings on trial and ask, answer and discuss them to find out what the physical and emotional warning signals are telling me about whether I am empowering or enabling the person in my life. Here are some useful questions I use to guide my thinking in this step: Is what I am doing keeping someone from having to face the consequences of their own behavior, or is it pointing them in the direction of facing the consequences and therefore teaching them how to self-regulate and build up their mental resilience? Is the help I am giving taking away an opportunity for this person to do something on their own, gain self-esteem and improve their self-regulation, or is it giving them that opportunity? Next, I write down my thoughts: This helps me regulate and organize my thinking. I then recheck what I have discussed and written down: I reread what I wrote to find patterns and triggers and to reconceptualize the situation so I can make better choices moving forward. Here are some questions I find useful in this step: Do I have a pattern of enabling this person? Do I feel conflicted when I help them? Do I resent the person I am helping because they don’t seem to appreciate it, or they haven’t used the help to improve their situation? Are my expectations fair? Did I create this situation? Why? I then take action to remedy the situation (I call this an active reach): The active reach is a summary action, like a period at the end of the sentence, that you can do to help you gain mental peace and change to toxic situation into a positive one. When it comes to enabling someone, this doesn’t mean you must stop helping them altogether. It just means you should find better and healthier ways to empower them—to show them compassion, empathy and love in a way that will do them good rather than harm. Here are some active reaches to help you move from enablement to empowerment: One of the best ways to empower someone is to approach every relationship you are a part of with a healthy sense of your own boundaries. If you balance kindness with being able to say “no” when you or the other person is stepping over these boundaries, then you will be in a better position to help someone without enabling them or creating a toxic situation where they fully depend on you. Recognize that each person must take full responsibility for their own self-care (emotional, physical and spiritual), with the knowledge that no other human being can do this for them. When you cannot help yourself, it is of course healthy to ask for help, but we all need to learn how to do so without feeling entitled to this help. For more help on managing your mental mess using the Neurocycle technique, listen to my podcast(episode #249), preorder my new book Cleaning Up Your Mental Mess (and receive exclusive bonuses!) and check out my SWITCH appand our most recent clinical trials. To read the original article click here. For more articles from Dr. Leaf click here.

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