communication Archives - Amazing Health Advances

Study Highlights Noninvasive Hearing Aid

The AHA! Team — Mon, 28 Jul 2025 05:14:54 +0000

Atrium Health Wake Forest Baptist via EurekAlert! – New type of hearing aid using an array of micro-epidermal actuators can significantly improve the hearing experience for patients with conductive hearing loss A study from researchers at Wake Forest University School of Medicine highlights a new approach in addressing conductive hearing loss. A team of scientists, led by Mohammad J. Moghimi, Ph.D., assistant professor of biomedical engineering, designed a new type of hearing aid that not only improves hearing but also offers a safe, non-invasive alternative to implantable devices and corrective surgeries. The study recently published in Communications Engineering, a Nature Portfolio journal. Conductive hearing loss, which most commonly happens in childhood, occurs when sounds do not reach the inner ear. Sound waves are blocked in the outer or middle ear due to ear infections, blockages or structural abnormalities. “Treatment for conductive hearing loss can include corrective surgeries and implantable hearing aids, which can be very invasive, especially for pediatric patients,” Moghimi said. “Flexible hearing aids offer a noninvasive alternative.” To produce vibrations strong enough to reach the cochlea, the part of the inner ear responsible for hearing, the research team designed a flexible hearing aid. The device uses micro-epidermal actuators to create vibrations on the skin behind the ear, which then travel directly to the inner ear, bypassing the ear canal. For the study, 10 participants between the ages of 19 and 39 wore earplugs and earmuffs to simulate conductive hearing loss. Researchers then tested arrays of the actuators to enhance the vibration strength, improve the quality of sounds and control the direction of the vibrations. “We found that using an array of these actuators, rather than a single one, significantly enhances the strength and quality of the vibrations, leading to better hearing outcomes,” Moghimi said. Moghimi also noted that improving hearing in children can reduce delays in language and speech development and boost educational development. “This technology has the potential to improve the quality of life for children with hearing impairments and transform the way we approach pediatric hearing aids,” Moghimi said. The research team will next focus on a larger study to further evaluate the efficacy and safety of the device in children and adults. Journal Communications Engineering DOI 10.1038/s44172-025-00369-7 To read the original article click here.

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New Brain-Computer Interface Allows Man with ALS to ‘Speak’ Again

The AHA! Team — Fri, 11 Oct 2024 08:20:41 +0000

UC Davis Health via Newswise – Technology developed by UC Davis Health restores interpersonal communication A new brain-computer interface (BCI) developed at UC Davis Health translates brain signals into speech with up to 97% accuracy — the most accurate system of its kind. The researchers implanted sensors in the brain of a man with severely impaired speech due to amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS). The man was able to communicate his intended speech within minutes of activating the system. A study about this work was published today in the New England Journal of Medicine. ALS, also known as Lou Gehrig’s disease, affects the nerve cells that control movement throughout the body. The disease leads to a gradual loss of the ability to stand, walk and use one’s hands. It can also cause a person to lose control of the muscles used to speak, leading to a loss of understandable speech. The new technology is being developed to restore communication for people who can’t speak due to paralysis or neurological conditions like ALS. It can interpret brain signals when the user tries to speak and turns them into text that is ‘spoken’ aloud by the computer. “Our BCI technology helped a man with paralysis to communicate with friends, families and caregivers,” said UC Davis neurosurgeon David Brandman. “Our paper demonstrates the most accurate speech neuroprosthesis (device) ever reported.” Brandman is the co-principal investigator and co-senior author of this study. He is an assistant professor in the UC Davis Department of Neurological Surgery and co-director of the UC Davis Neuroprosthetics Lab. The new BCI breaks the communication barrier When someone tries to speak, the new BCI device transforms their brain activity into text on a computer screen. The computer can then read the text out loud. To develop the system, the team enrolled Casey Harrell, a 45-year-old man with ALS, in the BrainGate clinical trial. At the time of his enrollment, Harrell had weakness in his arms and legs (tetraparesis). His speech was very hard to understand (dysarthria) and required others to help interpret for him. In July 2023, Brandman implanted the investigational BCI device. He placed four microelectrode arrays into the left precentral gyrus, a brain region responsible for coordinating speech. The arrays are designed to record the brain activity from 256 cortical electrodes. “We’re really detecting their attempt to move their muscles and talk,” explained neuroscientist Sergey Stavisky. Stavisky is an assistant professor in the Department of Neurological Surgery. He is the co-director of the UC Davis Neuroprosthetics Lab and co-principal investigator of the study. “We are recording from the part of the brain that’s trying to send these commands to the muscles. And we are basically listening into that, and we’re translating those patterns of brain activity into a phoneme — like a syllable or the unit of speech — and then the words they’re trying to say.” Faster training, better results Despite recent advances in BCI technology, efforts to enable communication have been slow and prone to errors. This is because the machine-learning programs that interpreted brain signals required a large amount of time and data to perform. “Previous speech BCI systems had frequent word errors. This made it difficult for the user to be understood consistently and was a barrier to communication,” Brandman explained. “Our objective was to develop a system that empowered someone to be understood whenever they wanted to speak.” Harrell used the system in both prompted and spontaneous conversational settings. In both cases, speech decoding happened in real time, with continuous system updates to keep it working accurately. The decoded words were shown on a screen. Amazingly, they were read aloud in a voice that sounded like Harrell’s before he had ALS. The voice was composed using software trained with existing audio samples of his pre-ALS voice. At the first speech data training session, the system took 30 minutes to achieve 99.6% word accuracy with a 50-word vocabulary. “The first time we tried the system, he cried with joy as the words he was trying to say correctly appeared on-screen. We all did,” Stavisky said. In the second session, the size of the potential vocabulary increased to 125,000 words. With just an additional 1.4 hours of training data, the BCI achieved a 90.2% word accuracy with this greatly expanded vocabulary. After continued data collection, the BCI has maintained 97.5% accuracy. “At this point, we can decode what Casey is trying to say correctly about 97% of the time, which is better than many commercially available smartphone applications that try to interpret a person’s voice,” Brandman said. “This technology is transformative because it provides hope for people who want to speak but can’t. I hope that technology like this speech BCI will help future patients speak with their family and friends.” The study reports on 84 data collection sessions over 32 weeks. In total, Harrell used the speech BCI in self-paced conversations for over 248 hours to communicate in person and over video chat. “Not being able to communicate is so frustrating and demoralizing. It is like you are trapped,” Harrell said. “Something like this technology will help people back into life and society.” “It has been immensely rewarding to see Casey regain his ability to speak with his family and friends through this technology,” said the study’s lead author, Nicholas Card. Card is a postdoctoral scholar in the UC Davis Department of Neurological Surgery. “Casey and our other BrainGate participants are truly extraordinary. They deserve tremendous credit for joining these early clinical trials. They do this not because they’re hoping to gain any personal benefit, but to help us develop a system that will restore communication and mobility for other people with paralysis,” said co-author and BrainGate trial sponsor-investigator Leigh Hochberg. Hochberg is a neurologist and neuroscientist at Massachusetts General Hospital, Brown University and the VA Providence Healthcare System. Brandman is the site-responsible principal investigator of the BrainGate2 clinical trial. The trial is enrolling participants. To learn more about the study, visit braingate.org or contact braingate@ucdavis.edu. A complete list of coauthors and funders is available in the article. Caution: Investigational device. Limited by Federal law to investigational use. To read the original article click here.

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How Sex Can Improve Your Mind

The AHA! Team — Fri, 14 Jun 2024 08:23:24 +0000

Dr. Caroline Leaf – In this podcast (episode #472) and blog, I talk about relationships, communication, sex, and the mind. This is part 1 of a 3-part series. High-quality intimate relationships are good for our health—we all know this! But did you know that sexual intimacy is also good for us? I recently interviewed Dr. Elissa Epel about her work with telomeres and stress, and she mentioned that one of her most interesting and popular studies, published in 2017, was on a correlation she and her team found between longevity and safe and consensual sex. In this study, Dr. Epel and her team observed that couples that are more sexually intimate have longer telomeres, which contribute to our cellular health and longevity. Couples that are more sexually intimate have longer telomeres Other researchers have also found that the frequency of sexual intimacy for individuals in healthy relationships is linked to greater mental and physical health outcomes, such as more general happiness and greater life satisfaction (Muise et al., 2016), greater heart variability (Costa and Brody, 2012), lower daily somatic symptoms (Stadler et al., 2012), reduced daily diurnal cortisol (Ditzen et al., 2008), and a more robust immune response! Researchers have even found that the frequency of safe sexual intimacy for individuals in relationships has been linked to greater mental and physical health outcomes, such as more general happiness and greater life satisfaction (Muise et al., 2016)! But this is not just about sex. As Dr. Epel discusses in her work, our telomeres are correlated with how supported we feel in a relationship. Healthier romantic relationships tend to predict a positive stress response and better longevity. The stronger your relationship is, the better your sexual intimacy will be, which, in turn, can help improve not only your mental health but also your longevity! Of course, this is a lot easier on paper than it is in real life. In a romantic relationship, you literally imprint that person onto your brain. This means that you are connected in ways that are both emotional and physical. You really do affect each other, which can be both a good and bad thing. These kinds of relationships can be incredibly challenging at times—I don’t think you need me to tell you that! Below are some tips to help you build a healthier relationship through communication and improve your sexual intimacy and overall health: 1. Establish an open line of communication: It is important to establish an open line of communication with your partner on a regular basis by encouraging them to share what is on their mind AND sharing how you feel. Work on creating an environment where you both feel like you can talk about everything that is happening in your lives, from the small to the big things. This will help you both feel more supported in the relationship. 2. Think before you speak: Make sure you have thought about what you want to say and work on staying calm when confronting your partner or discussing an issue. If you raise your voice or become aggressive, it can quickly spiral into a fight. It takes about 60-90 seconds for emotions to pass through you, so if you feel upset, it’s critical you not do anything besides just breathe and gather awareness during this period. This is the time when most people react and then regret what they said or did. Waiting for about a minute or so before speaking gives your brain and nonconscious mind the time to dynamically self-regulate by adjusting to and organizing the incoming information. 3. Ask before you speak: Ask your partner if you can talk to them about what is bothering you, rather than just demanding that they listen to what you have to say. 4. Don’t run away from the uncomfortable: Whatever you say might be hard for your partner to hear or process in the moment, and they might react in anger or sadness. Just keep reminding yourself that they are experiencing their own emotions and may be surprised by what you are saying. Don’t try to suppress or avoid uncomfortable situations. You can tell your partner that you value what you have with them, but be assertive about your desire for something more and your need to communicate what you don’t feel happy about. 5. Learn to just “be” with each other: Yes, great sex and exciting date nights are amazing. But times of quiet, where you can just “be” with your partner, are equally important when it comes to feeling supported and loved. Just sitting quietly with your loved one, for example, has a beauty in and of itself. I call this the “live your best life” mentality: learning to notice beauty in the small things will make your time with your partner feel like a gift—something to be treasured and appreciated every day. For more on relationships, sex and the mind, listen to my podcast (episode #472). Podcast Highlights 0:37 The science behind relationships & the mind 5:48 Sex, relationships & longevity 9:10 How improving our relationships can improve our health 10:33 Why communication is so important in a relationship 11:22, 18:28 Ways to improve your communication so you feel supported in a relationship This podcast and blog are for educational purposes only and are not intended as medical advice. We always encourage each person to make the decision that seems best for their situation with the guidance of a medical professional. To read the original article click here.

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Dealing with Textxiety

AHA Publisher — Wed, 01 May 2024 05:00:43 +0000

Dr. Caroline Leaf – In this podcast (episode #566) and blog, I talk about how to manage texting anxiety (yes, it’s a thing!). I am sure you have had the experience where you see a text come through and your heart just sinks into your stomach.Texting anxiety is so real that it even has its own coined term, “textxiety“! Some people may worry that their messages will be misinterpreted or taken out of context. In fact, many people feel a sense of unease, worry, and stress when texting. Although this may sound strange, it is important to remember that texting is another form of communication—it makes sense that it could cause someone to feel a sense of anxiety. Some people may worry that their messages will be misinterpreted or taken out of context. They are concerned that the recipient will not understand the intended tone or meaning of their messages. For others, texting can create a sense of urgency; someone may feel pressured to respond immediately, which can lead to anxiety, especially when they are unable to reply promptly. In other cases, someone may obsessively review and revise their messages before sending them, fearing that any wording or phrasing could be problematic. This can add a lot of stress to a conversation. And some people may find texting stressful as they are not able to read the nonverbal cues that they rely on in face-to-face interactions. In other cases, someone may obsessively review and revise their messages before sending them.. If you are someone who battles with texting anxiety, I recommend using the Neurocycle mind management method I have developed and studied over the past three decades, which I discuss in detail in my book Cleaning Up Your Mental Mess and my app Neurocycle. It has 5 steps: Steps 1-3: gather, reflect and write down how you feel when a text comes in. Try to analyze why texting gives you anxiety. Take into account your emotions, behaviors, bodily sensations, and perspective when you receive a text. Sit with these feelings and write them down to help organize your thinking and bring clarity to the situation. Use who/what /when/where/why questions to find the pattern behind your reactions. Step 4: recheck. Once you feel like you understand the meaning behind your anxiety better, try to come up with solutions to alleviate the stress you feel when texting. This will take you to: Step 5: the active reach. This is a thought or action you need to practice daily to help you reconceptualize what you worked through in the previous step. What are you going to do each day to give yourself the time and mental space needed to deal with what is bothering you and turn this situation into something constructive? Here are some examples: Establish clear boundaries for when and how often you engage in texting. It’s okay to take breaks from your phone! Send a text to someone that you will reply to later when you get the chance in order to alleviate the stress that comes with feeling bad about not replying. Take a moment to think before responding, especially if the conversation is emotionally charged. Avoid rushing to reply when you’re upset or anxious! If certain individuals consistently cause text anxiety, consider blocking or muting their messages temporarily. This can provide relief and time for you to regroup. Be kind to yourself and recognize that it’s normal to make mistakes or experience anxiety in communication and texting is a form of communication just like any other! Remind yourself of this. If you can, put your phone on “Do Not Disturb” mode when you are working or at night when you are sleeping. Tell people that you do not answer texts during certain hours. Categorize your texts with colors and pictures, so that you know what to read first and what to leave until you feel better prepared. If a text is causing you a lot of anxiety, perhaps get someone else to read it first. Before opening a text, prepare yourself with breathing exercises or movement like yoga stretches to ground you. The key thing to remember that text anxiety is a pretty common experience. It is not something to be ashamed of! It’s okay to seek help or employ strategies to alleviate it. By incorporating these practices into your digital communication routine, you can make texting a less stressful and more enjoyable means of connecting with others. For more on texting anxiety, listen to my podcast (episode #566). Podcast Highlights 3:20 Text anxiety is a real thing! 5:30, 8:44 Signs that you may be experiencing text anxiety 13:00, 19:33 How to manage text anxiety This podcast and blog are for educational purposes only and are not intended as medical advice. We always encourage each person to make the decision that seems best for their situation with the guidance of a medical professional. To read the original article click here.

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Love: How the Feeling of Power Determines Happy Relationships

AHA Publisher — Tue, 13 Jul 2021 07:01:40 +0000

Martin-Luther-Universitat Halle-Wittenberg via EurekAlert – Want to have a happy relationship? Make sure both partners feel they can decide on issues that are important to them. Objective power measured by income, for example, doesn’t seem to play a big role, according to a new study in the “Journal of Social and Personal relationships” by the Martin Luther University Halle-Wittenberg (MLU) and the University of Bamberg. Instead, how lovers perceive power dynamics in their relationship is most important for relationship satisfaction. Power is about being able to influence people and successfully resist the attempts of others to influence you. “It sounds like a dog-eat-dog world or the world of business. But power also plays a role in romantic relationships. The feeling of being able to make decisions in a marriage, for example, has a big influence on the quality of the relationship,” says Robert Körner from the Institute of Psychology at MLU. Earlier studies show that there was rarely a balance of power within couples. Most of the time, men had more influence on decisions than women. However, traditional gender roles have changed. “Romantic relationships have become more equal – especially in western societies,” says Körner. Together with Professor Astrid Schütz, a personality researcher from the University of Bamberg, he investigated how power and the perception of power impact couples. They interviewed 181 heterosexual couples who had been living together for at least one month. The respondents were between 18 and 71 years old and had been in a relationship for an average of eight years. The team investigated how actual and perceived power influence different aspects of a relationship – such as satisfaction and commitment – and how they affect the quality of that relationship. The survey included questions about the admiration for one’s partner, trust, sexual satisfaction, feelings of oppression and constraint, as well as a commitment and willingness to invest in the relationship. “We also calculated the balance of power to investigate the extent to which the traits of each partner were similar to each other,” Körner explains. The results of the study show that men still had more positional power – based on higher income and higher education. The need to make decisions in general was also stronger among the men on average. Interestingly, however, the two factors did not appear to influence the quality of the relationship that the couple experienced. The same applies to the balance of power: Even if men and women within the same couple were very similar with regard to the measured traits, no connection to relationship quality could be found. “The results surprised us, as earlier research has often suggested a direct link between the balance of power and relationship-based outcomes,” says Körner. The happiest couples were those in which both partners reported a high sense of personal power. “It appears that the subjective feeling of power and the feeling of being able to act freely significantly impact the quality of the relationship,” Körner concludes. In most of these couples, both sexes stated that they were able to assert their preferences when making decisions that are important to them. According to psychologist Schütz, this is not necessarily a contradiction. “Maybe this feeling extends to different aspects of the relationship. Whereas the woman might want to decide on where to go on vacation, the husband chooses where to go for dinner. One thing to keep in mind is that our sample included rather happy couples, which favours effective negotiation. In other partnerships, there is definitely potential for conflict in this respect.” However, it appears that both parties need to be able to make decisions about aspects that are important to them in order to be satisfied with the relationship. To read the original article click here.

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Keep Your Friends Close and Your Cortisol Levels Low for Life

AHA Publisher — Thu, 08 Jul 2021 07:00:47 +0000

Beckman Institute for Advanced Science and Technology via EurekAlert – Directing a meeting, dialing up an old acquaintance, dictating the perfect tuna salad sandwich across a drive-through window. For business and for pleasure, human beings are in constant communication. Our proclivity for socialization is lifelong, equally prominent in the lives of adolescents and adults. A recent study determined key differences in the ways that various age groups communicate, as well as one conversational component that stands the test of time: friendship. Specifically, bonds between individuals who identify as female. Led by former Beckman Institute postdoctoral researchers Michelle Rodrigues and Si On Yoon, an interdisciplinary team evaluated how interlocutors’ age and familiarity with one another impacts a conversation, reviewing the interaction’s overall effectiveness and stress responses generated as a result. The study, titled “What are friends for? The impact of friendship on communicative efficiency and cortisol response during collaborative problem solving among younger and older women,” was published in the Journal of Women and Aging in May 2021. Two hypotheses form the foundation of this female-focused study. First, the tend-and-befriend hypothesis, which challenges the traditionally masculine “fight-or-flight” dichotomy. “Women have evolved an alternative mechanism in response to stress,” said Rodrigues, who is currently an assistant professor in the Department of Social and Cultural Sciences at Marquette University. “In order to deal with stress, women can befriend female peers.” The team also tested the socio-emotional selectivity hypothesis, which postulates a social “pruning” as humans advance in age and pursue more intimate, higher-quality circles of friends. The introduction of age as a variable is novel in the field and stems from an interdisciplinary Beckman collaboration. “I was working with several different groups in several different disciplines, coming from the perspective of studying friendship but having previously done research on adolescent girls, but not older women,” Rodrigues said. She combined forces with then-Beckman-postdoc Si On Yoon, who was studying the cognitive mechanisms of natural conversation across the lifespan, including healthy younger and older adults. “My research program was focused on language measures in social interactions, and I was glad to work with Dr. Rodrigues to develop an integrative approach including both language processing and physiological measures to study social interactions,” said Yoon, who is currently an assistant professor in the Department of Communication Sciences and Disorders at the University of Iowa. The interdisciplinary team merged both theories into a single query: Across women’s lifespans, how are the tendencies to “tend and befriend” as well as socially select reflected in their communication? They tested a pool of 32 women: 16 “older adults” aged 62-79, and 16 “younger adults” aged 18-25. Each participant was either paired with a friend (a “familiar” conversation partner) or a stranger (“unfamiliar”). The partnerships underwent a series of conversational challenges, wherein the participant instructed her partner to arrange a set of tangrams in an order that only the former could see. The catch? Each shape was abstract, their appearances purposefully difficult to describe. “You could look at one [tangram] and say, ‘This looks like a dog.’ Or, you could say, ‘This looks like a triangle, with a stop sign, and a bicycle wheel,'” Rodrigues said. This exercise helped quantify each conversation’s efficiency: partners who achieved the desired tangram arrangement in fewer words were considered more efficient, and pairs who needed more words to complete the task were considered less efficient. The researchers found that while the younger adult pairs communicated more efficiently with familiar partners than their older counterparts, they communicated less efficiently with unfamiliar partners; alternatively, the older adults demonstrated conversational dexterity, quickly articulating the abstract tangrams to friends and strangers alike. “A referential communication task like this requires that you see where the other person is coming from. It seems like the younger adults are a little more hesitant in trying to do that, whereas the older adults have an easier time doing that with strangers,” Rodrigues said. This was not predicted based on the socio-emotional selectivity hypothesis, which anticipated a correlation between age and social isolation. “Even though older adults choose to spend more time with people who matter to them, it’s clear that they have the social skills to interact with unfamiliar people if and when they choose to,” Rodrigues said. Rodrigues’ team also measured salivary cortisol to quantify and compare participants’ stress levels throughout the testing process. “When you experience something stressful, if you have a stress response system that’s working as it should, the result is an elevated amount of cortisol, our primary stress hormone, which then tells our bodies to release glucose into our bloodstreams,” she said. “That’s reflected in our saliva about 15 to 20 minutes after we experience it. If we see a rise in salivary cortisol from an individual’s baseline levels, that indicates that they are more stressed than they were at the time of the earlier measurements.” Across both age groups, those working with familiar partners had consistently lower cortisol levels than those working with unfamiliar partners. “A lot of the research on the tend-and-befriend hypothesis has only focused on young women, so it’s great to have these results that pull that out to the end of life. We can see that friendship has that same effect throughout the lifespan. Familiar partners and friendship buffer stress, and that’s preserved with age,” Rodrigues said. To read the original article click here.

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How to Correctly Apologize & Strengthen Your Relationship “Immune System” + Common Mistakes People Make in Relationships and How to Fix Them

AHA Publisher — Wed, 04 Nov 2020 08:00:14 +0000

Dr. Caroline Leaf – Did you know that there is a formula to all happy relationships, whether you are talking about your relationship with your dog or your relationship with your partner? In this podcast (episode #220) and blog, I speak with Harvard-trained psychologist, relationship and communications expert, and award winning author Dr. Melanie Joy about the formula for getting relationships right, common psychological dynamics that underpin all kinds of relationships, how to strengthen our relationship “immune system”, how to apologize, common mistakes people make in relationships and how to fix them, and so much more! As Melanie points out in her new book, Getting Relationships Right, if we want to improve any relationship, we need to understand the relationship dynamics for ALL our relationships, including our unhealthy relationships. The common denominator for all our relational issues, from climate change and factory farming (that is how we relate to the world around us) to poor self-esteem and broken romances (how we relate to ourselves and others), is relationship dysfunction. We are hardwired to empathize with others. Empathy is our natural state. The social systems we are born into can condition us to disconnect from our natural empathy when it comes to certain individuals or groups. This disconnection, in turn, distorts our perceptions and affects how we think, speak and act. It makes us think that certain individuals or groups are less deserving of our empathy, which results in global issues like systematic racism or environmental pollution. All these distorted systems are founded on a belief in the hierarchy of moral worth. (The same can be said for abusive relationships.) These are non-relational systems—they create disconnection rather than fostering greater connection. The good news is that when we learn the formula for what a healthy relationship looks like, we can apply this to ALL our relationships: companion animals, our life partner, our children, the clerk at the grocery store, whoever we encounter as we go about our day—the possibilities are endless. A healthy relationship reflects (1) integrity, honors the (2) dignity of the other life, and results in deep and meaningful (3) connection. A dysfunctional relationship, on the other hand, violates integrity, harms dignity and leads to disconnection. These relationships exist on a spectrum: at any given time, a relationship can be more or less healthy or dysfunctional. A relationship that is basically healthy will generally stay within the healthy end of this spectrum. As Melanie points out, most people get into trouble in relationships because they haven’t been taught essential relationship skills, such as how to communicate with each other—the primary way we relate to others. When it comes to any relationship, we should focus on: 1. Both how and what we communicate. We need to recognize the basic elements of communication: the content and the process. The content is the subject, or what we are talking about, and the process is how we are communicating. Most people tend to focus on the content, but the process (the how) is more important. The process typically determines how you feel. When your communication process is healthy, you can, in genera, talk about anything without arguing, and when your communication process in not healthy, then you can’t, in general, talk about anything without arguing! 2. Mutual understanding. The goal of a healthy communication process is mutual understanding. Communication is the way we share what is on our minds and in our hearts. In a healthy relationship, we want to share our thoughts and feelings with the other person. When our communication process is not healthy, then we have various other goals or agendas, like to win or to be right, rather than establishing a level of understanding. Always ask yourself when entering a conversation: what is my goal here? What do I want to get from this conversation? Yes, when things get heated in a relationships, it is easy to fall into a bad way of communicating. If you notice that you are starting to feel stressed in a conversation and you are going into debate mode, pause and ask yourself, “What is my agenda here? Am I trying to communicate something and understand the other person, or am I trying to prove a point and ‘win’?”. Take a few moments, breathe deeply, and question your motives. 3. Not confusing assumptions with the truth. We need to be aware that, as humans, we are constantly making assumptions—we are always creating stories and narratives in our minds and these are often not accurate because they are subjective. Don’t just enter a conversation with negative assumptions about the other person. A lot of the disconnection we experience in our relationships (with ourselves and others) is based on the subjective assumptions and stories we tell ourselves, which are often wrong. Remember that the story that you tell yourself about a situation determines how you feel about it, and how you feel about it determines what you do or say. So, be aware of how you come into a conversation and the assumptions you are making before you start talking to the other person. Share your narratives with the other person in a calm way, saying something like: “This is what I observed, and it makes me feel this way…am I wrong?”. Own your story as your own—don’t think that your story is the ultimate truth. Never make yourself the expert on the other person’s experience! 4. How you communicate with yourself. Our primary relationship we have is with ourselve We are relating to ourselves every minute of every day. We relate to ourselves through our self-talk—that voice in our head, as well as the choices we make, which impact our future selves. Most of us communicate with ourselves in a way that we would never tolerate coming from anybody else. Watch your self-talk: how does that voice in your head communicate with you? How does it treat you? Is your self-talk healthy, or harmful? Harmful self-talk is often characterized by two dominant emotions: Shame: This is not the same as guilt, which is how we feel about a behavior. Shame is how we feel about ourselves; we think “I am bad, or less than.” It attacks our sense of dignity and worth. Unfortunately, we all have tendency to feel shame, particularly due to our social conditioning and the belief in hierarchies of moral worth. We need to notice the red flags of shame in our communication, whether we are talking to ourselves or others. Shame can be very debilitating; it is the voice in our head telling us that we are not good enough, comparing ourselves to the idealized version of ourselves or others, which can make us lose our sense of power, control and dignity. Never forget that shame is an illusion—it only exists in comparison. It is perception-based, and can quickly change, even if your circumstances stay the same. It only exists in the stories we tell about ourselves. Contempt: Contempt means you have placed yourself in a position of moral superiority. When you feel contempt, you are perceiving yourself (your inner-critic) or others as less worthy. This is not the same as anger, which is an emotion. Anger can be healthy if we relate to it in a healthy way. Contempt, on the other hand, makes us shame others or ourselves because we feel superior. The antidote to contempt and shame is empathy. It is impossible to look down on someone or yourself if you have genuine understanding or compassion. 5. Self-awareness. Self-awareness is fundamental to healthy relationships. We can only communicate effectively if we know ourselves. The more self-aware you are, the more you will be aware of ways you can improve your communication with yourself and others. One way to do this is to pause throughout the day and just be aware of what you are thinking and feeling in the moment. Become aware of your rich, inner world! You can also check out my app SWITCH, which is a great tool for helping you learn how to develop your self-awareness and self-regulate your thoughts in order to overcome thought patterns and behaviors that impact your mental and physical wellbeing and relationships through the mental process of reconceptualization. Relationships can actually become the training around where we can cultivate create self-awareness and self-regulation. We don’t learn, grow or develop in isolation. We are fundamentally relational beings. Love motivates us to pay attention and change. But don’t think you can’t love others if you can’t love yourself. Many people may not know what love is until they are loved and feel love for others. Love can change us in ways we never knew possible! 6. Apologizing better. When someone feels that they have not been treated fairly or right, they will disconnect to protect themselves. To feel connected in a relationship, you need to create an environment where the other person feels safe with you. This means that the other person can trust that you will try to do your best no matter what happens, and one of the best ways you can demonstrate this is to apologize when you make a mistake or do something wrong. If you caused harm in a relationship, your apology should be at the emotional intensity of the hurt. When apologizing, express your empathy to the degree that the other person is expressing their emotion (within reason and to the best of your ability without making the situation worse). Be authentic and honest! It is important to feel guilty, or we will never change problematic behaviors. But be careful of falling into the shame trap! To avoid shame when apologizing: Be aware that behaviors and worth are not the same thing. Put yourself in the shoes of the other person. How can you make them feel safe again? Understand the hurt you have caused. Don’t just say something like “look it was just a mistake!”, “I am sorry you feel that way, but…” or “stop overreacting”. Express your understanding and remorse. Take responsibility. Admit that you did what you did. Give explanations, not excuses. Reassure the other person that you will do your best to make sure it doesn’t happen again. But remember to also cut yourself lot of slack: we have been born into a deeply dysfunctional society, so don’t become a perfectionist about how you relate to others, because this is very toxic. We are still living in the relational “dark ages”. Healthy relationships have room for people to be their messy, flawed selves and still be cherished. To read the original article click here. For more articles from Dr. Leaf click here.

The post How to Correctly Apologize & Strengthen Your Relationship “Immune System” + Common Mistakes People Make in Relationships and How to Fix Them appeared first on Amazing Health Advances.

The Mental Health Benefits of a Good Argument + Dispelling Common Myths That Could be Sabotaging Your Relationships

AHA Publisher — Wed, 21 Oct 2020 07:00:41 +0000

Dr Caroline Leaf – Relationships can be tough, especially during a global pandemic. Many of us are spending more time than ever before with our partner, while COVID-19 has made it harder to connect with others if we are single and looking for a relationship. Thankfully, whether we are single, in a relationship, or somewhere in between, there are things we can do now to attract the kind of love we want in our lives, as I discuss in my recent podcast interview (episode #211) with bestselling author, speaker and couples counselor Monica Berg. We talk about everything you need to know about healthy relationships, including why we need to rethink love, the mental health benefits of a good argument, how to attract the kind of love you want, rekindling love in your life, building frameworks for lasting and fulfilling relationships, tips for single people, and how to become more comfortable with change. As Monica notes in her new book, Rethink Love, in our culture we overemphasize romanticized versions of love. We tend to end our stories where love actually begins: walking into the sunset and living happily ever after. At the core of the strongest and most sustainable relationships is the most important relationship you will ever have: the one you have with yourself. For any relationship to be successful, you must become authentic and vulnerable as a person: you need to become your own best friend. The good news is that it’s never too late to do this! The state of your life and your relationships is dependent on you. If you are single or in a relationship, the best thing you can do right now is to stop and take a good look at the state of your relationships or where you are in life and be honest with yourself. Open your mind and give yourself permission to access the innermost parts of your life. Just be honest with yourself — don’t pressure yourself to do anything just yet. When we acknowledge where we are in life, we begin the healing process. It is never too late to restart and change, and this starts with acknowledging what needs to be changed! Remember, life happens to you, not through you. You are never going to be happy all the time—you are a human being going through human experiences. However, this does not mean you cannot learn to embrace all possibilities to change, even hard ones. You can wake up excited every day for these opportunities, both known and unknown, to grow and reach a new level of elevation; this is our ultimate joy as human beings. If you adopt this mentality, you can live a happy and fulfilled life and have great and lasting relationships, no matter what life throws your way. True relationship success starts with you. In Rethink Love, Monica notes how being honest with yourself and doing the work needed to become your own best friend will really transform your life and relationships. Why? Relationships fail when we: Do not do our own internal work. Far too often, we look externally for things that will fulfill us internally. We look to people to make us love ourselves, but no one person can do that for us. Do not understand the difference between seeking validation and getting feedback. Validation is when we look to someone else to make us feel okay. Feedback, on the other hand, helps makes us better by helping us work through our issues. Think that we do not deserve love. We can’t hold two opposing thoughts at the same time. We can’t say we want to be respected and loved unconditionally and feel that we don’t deserve love or respect. If you are single, the most important thing you can do right now is build your internal foundation. The relationship with you have with yourself is most important part of any relationship you will have, so do the uncomfortable internal work first. When you do this, your energy will attract the kind of love you want. If you search for someone when you are broken, you are probably going to find someone who is a little broken as well. We also need to rethink what love means in our relationships. The most important thing we can do is know the difference between unconditional love and ego-based love. Don’t go into a relationship with a consumer mindset. The other person is not just there to make you happy. It is far more important to ask what you are offering in the relationship. You want to become an appreciator, not a depreciator. You should love someone because they exist, not just because they give you something you want. This means thinking about what that person feels, what their needs are, how you can put yourself in their shoes and put their needs first. Remember, your partner wants the same thing you want: to be heard and seen. We also need understand the importance of fighting well in a relationship. If you don’t argue in a relationship, then you should be concerned. This means you don’t care enough to fight about something! However, you should not just argue or fight without thinking. Every couple needs to find their own fighting style, or what Monica calls “spiritual sparing”. This means: Understanding how your past affects the way you argue in the present. Do you fight like your parents fought? How does your partner respond to your fighting style, and vice versa? Knowing the physiological components of arguing and how it affects you both in different ways. How does a fight affect you or your partner on a physical level? How can this knowledge help you learn to argue better? Take the time to discuss how you fight and how you can learn to argue better in the future. Always resolve an argument. Never leave an argument without a definitive resolution, even if this takes some time! If things are really tense, reach an agreement to discuss the issue at a later date. It is often a good idea to wait three days after a fight to discuss the core issue(s) proactively, instead of reactively responding in the moment. To read the original article click here. For more articles from Dr. Leaf click here.

The post The Mental Health Benefits of a Good Argument + Dispelling Common Myths That Could be Sabotaging Your Relationships appeared first on Amazing Health Advances.

The Difference Between Courageous Vulnerability And Wound-Based Oversharing + The #1 Relationship Killer

AHA Publisher — Tue, 29 Sep 2020 07:00:35 +0000

Dr. Caroline Leaf – When it comes to our relationships, we often fall into the trap of behaving like we think we should, rather than getting to the root of why and how we really connect to other people. In this blog and podcast episode (#204), I speak with international speaker and human connection specialist Mark Groves about the nature of human connection, common relationship mistakes we all make, how to improve our relationships, the difference between vulnerability and oversharing, how to embrace our emotions and connections, what women need to know about men, what men need to know about women, and so much more! One of the biggest things we need to realize is that love doesn’t just happen like some Disney movie. It is a skill set that everyone can learn. Indeed, relationships are hard work, and sometimes they end, and that is perfectly okay. We shouldn’t get trapped by society’s expectations or judgements about who or why we love or when we choose to walk away. Don’t stay in a relationship where you can’t be true to yourself. If you feel the need to perform all the time, then you will be unhappy. Mark believes that we need to talk about the nature of love and human connection everywhere, even in the corporate world. Love is not just some “ooy goey” thing. If you get good at one type of human connection, aspects of your other relationships will start to improve. This is why we need to invest in the way we relate to each other, especially in the workplace, which will create safer and more productive workplaces, by helping build “families” at work. To start improving the way we connect to others, especially in our romantic relationships, we need to focus on: 1. Communication issues. As the saying goes, it takes two to tango! Communication is a dance; each action and reaction will cause a response. 2. Thinking that the other person is always the issue or always wrong. What we tend to struggle with in any area of our lives will be magnified in our relationships, especially romantic ones. Don’t just assume it’s always the other person. What baggage are you perhaps bringing into the relationship? How can you deal with this and reconceptualize your own story? As I discussed on Mark’s podcast, what is happening in the brain with relation to our memories, relationships, and past experiences will affect how we function in any relationship. Thankfully, we can use mind-directed techniques to help relieve the intrusive thoughts that are affecting our relationships. For more on how to do this, listen to the interview! You can also check out my app SWITCH, which may be helpful during this process. It is a great tool for helping you learn how to manage your mind, deal with the roots of your mental chaos, and overcome negative thought patterns and behaviors that impact your mental health and relationships by using the mental process of reconceptualization. 3. A low tolerance for uncertainty. Make room for change in a relationship, and learn to trust that change. Don’t just say things like “you usually attack me, but not this time… so, what’s the catch?” or “why are you not shouting? I am suspicious….”. Have tolerance for not knowing how conversation will go all the time. 4. Being reactive when someone doesn’t agree with you. Remember, you can hold two different truths in your mind at the same time, even when you agree to disagree. This will not kill you, and it is possible to listen and hear what other people are saying even if they hold different viewpoints. Don’t give in to the current antagonistic climate, especially in your close relationships. Learn how to sit and be curious about someone else’s experience of the world without being threatened; observe and control your reactions instead of just letting loose all the time. You don’t have to make someone think like you if you are in a relationship. It is possible to co-exist with different perspectives. 5. Talking about the hard stuff. One of the most important things you can do in a relationship is to talk about the hard things in the relationship to the people who are in the relationship, not just friends or family. Make space for adult tantrums and difficult emotions; do not suppress or avoid these feelings, or they can destroy your relationship. If you partner is battling to express how they feel, be patient. Speaking about how you feel takes a lot of courage, and the person may get it wrong, so be understanding. It is also important to recognize that if someone doesn’t know how to hold space for their feelings, they won’t be able to have space for other people’s feelings, which often happens with men. Society has conditioned them to fix, provide or solve, not express what they feel. Not sure where to start? One relationship technique Mark loves is the imago dialogue: Only one person talks at a time. You request, “can you talk?”, then you agree to listen to that person without responding or adding in what you think or feel. You mirror back what they are saying, asking “did I get that right?”. This way of communicating will teach you to listen and hear what your partner is trying to communicate, rather than just arguing your side. When it comes to the way we connect and communicate with others, it is equally important that we know the difference between courageous vulnerability and wound-based oversharing. The first comes from place of self-worth (knowing that your story is validated by yourself, not others) and the second comes from a place of trying to justify or validate our own feelings and pain (which is based on feelings of insecurity). Always remember, how you tell your story matters, not what happened. Can you look at the pain and find the wisdom? Can you see what this experience is asking of you? How will you integrate this pain into your life and give it purpose? How will you learn and grow? We are held hostage by our pain when we haven’t learned from it. But what happens when your story changes? How do you deal with a major break up? Don’t say you shouldn’t feel the way you feel—this won’t make it go away. See the break up as a path to find and heal yourself. Stay sober & avoid new relationships. Stay away from anything that pulls you away from “you”. See the break up as an opportunity to learn about yourself and dive deep internally; take your anger and pain and channel it into a learning experience. Learn from the experience and ask yourself questions like, “Did I put my best self forward in the relationship?” or “Where did I maybe go wrong?” This article has been modified. To read the original article click here. For more articles from Dr. Leaf click here.

The post The Difference Between Courageous Vulnerability And Wound-Based Oversharing + The #1 Relationship Killer appeared first on Amazing Health Advances.